As I wake up here on Saturday, May 2nd, my body seems to be telling me that I just slept in someone’s mailbox. Week 4 was one of the toughest so far. We were given Friday night off and I slept for about 9.5 hours, although the way I feel right now that surely cannot be correct! Prior to class last night we were asked if we would prefer a lecture, to which I raised my hand. A lecture over more posture clinic sounded like a good deal to me as apparently it did to many others who also had their hands up. Then we were asked who wanted more posture clinic and several people actually raised their hands. I sort of understood that as I myself would not have minded too much if we actually pounded another one out. That would make one less to worry about next week. Then we were asked who wanted the night off and I just stood there with a stupefied look on my face. In the states sometimes the authorities will offer free 60 inch plasma televisions and super bowl tickets to criminals on the lamb in order to capture them and for some reason, way back in the recesses of my mind, I thought it had to be some sort of trick to ferret out the slackers amongst us! I simply could not raise my hand and stood there thinking I voted for the lecture, I’m sticking with it. I’m not a slacker, I’m not a slacker, I’m not a slacker! Anyway, we were given the night off and catching up on some sleep felt great, except for the whole mailbox thing!
The week started off great, I felt good physically; I had some strong classes and good posture clinics. I passed my anatomy test with flying colors (96). Then came class #38 which literally kicked my ass. I mentioned to someone that the difficult classes sort of sneak up on you and the next thing you know your ears are ringing, the earth seems to be spinning in the wrong direction and you find yourself lying on your mat wondering when it will all come to an end. Perhaps under different circumstances they would be further apart but because we are participating in so many classes over a weeks period, small issues like your electrolyte intake make a huge difference. If you get behind just a bit, your world can start spinning! I have now figured out a process to get myself back together in a couple of hours when this happens (which seems like once a week, late in the week) but the pace has been so fast during week four that every minute counts in order to prepare for the next event. A couple of hours can really set you back, not to mention the feelings of disorientation!
Everyone’s so willing to assist in times of trouble. These are the types of people I wish to surround myself with in the future. Happy people who are struggling to improve their lives with resolve and joy. Life will always have struggle, but it’s how you respond to the struggle that matters. On that note, I would like to say hello to Katie in Lake Helen, Fl. I told Melissa I would let you know that she is doing just fine. I practiced next to her on several occasions this week and she told me you were reading the blog. She is so strong, inside and out. She glows with strength that at this very moment even she may not realize she is revealing. Don’t get me wrong, there are a variety of struggles she is enduring and I know she can’t wait to talk to you about them, but we as participants do not fully understand the totality of what is occurring here. It will take weeks and months, perhaps even years until everything is revealed to us. You should be very proud of her for following through on her commitment here and while everyone here is viewing this training through a different prism, she most certainly will not be the same person when she gets back. None of us will be! Some stuff will be resolved and other things will just be coming to the surface and that’s a good thing because here, people who truly care about the direction we all are headed surround us. I hope all of the women here who show such incredible inner strength have a support structure back home so they can continue to flourish, grow and teach others what it takes to break free from some of the bondage we saddle ourselves with throughout our lives. My hope is that not a single, beautiful genie gets put back in the bottle!
I’ve taken to crying after Camel pose during class. I have always heard the lines that you may laugh, you may cry etc, etc, but like aftershocks from the earthquakes we recently experienced, little he-man flakes are still falling off and I truly hope it continues. It was like a giant weight on my chest and I could feel it sticking in my throat during the posture. I just wanted it to come roaring out, without getting anything on those practicing around me! I’m not sure exactly what happened, but it stopped after class #39, as did the tears. In all actuality, here’s what I think. It took me 3 years to get deep enough into my practice physically so that emotional issues could begin to release. We hold these “issues” in our bodies and when we allow the yoga to go deep enough, we begin to heal ourselves by allowing these things to be released. It’s sometimes frightening and I say this to you now with all sincerity; do 30 classes in 30 days. Try 60 in 60 and test Bikram’s own words, “Do 90 classes in 90 days and I will give you your life back”. Those are pretty powerful words and you have no idea what he is saying until you begin to peel away the layers that have built up over a lifetime. It’s different for everyone and just to set the record straight, anyone who has ever practiced next to me will agree when I say that I won’t be winning the national (or regional) championships anytime soon! My knees ache during fixed firm, I struggle to straighten my legs in standing separated leg stretching and I feel like one of those beach chairs that take forever to set up when preparing for final spine twisting, but here’s the deal, it just does not matter. Do the best you can while trying the right way and progress will come. However long it takes is exactly how long it is supposed to take. Push yourselves to discover new boundaries and when you think you are going to die in class remember what we were told today in class; if you die while practicing yoga you go straight to heaven. It made me laugh because that is exactly what I was thinking, that I was going to die! To all of my friends at the Bloomington studio, I salute you on your completion of half of your 30-day challenge. I thought about you often during this last month and hope that you were able to reveal “some truths” about yourselves during the process. I look forward to hearing all about your experience when I get back home.
With that in mind, lesson #52 dictates that you never judge the yogi/yogini on the mat beside you. I’ve been thinking about this with all of the stories from all of the different teacher’s visiting here as well as all of the different participants I have practiced next to. It’s human nature to compare but we must break free of the bondage that is judgment. You never know where someone has come from and exactly what he or she has already overcome! I hear all of the stories about the back surgeries, the arthritis, the erratic behavior, the knee and hip issues and so much more. Maybe being isolated like this is akin to “drinking the kool-aide” but the stories of individual triumph are amazing, refreshing and inspiring to hear. We need to remind ourselves of this every day.
I just wanted to take a moment and document something I learned the other day. I had mentioned earlier that I did not think Craig (chief instructor) could break me during his class and was looking forward to improving to the point where I could perform his notorious Awkward Pose through both sets without faltering (which I did during class #38 along with several others). I have always been built physically to go full out, as demonstrated with the two earlier cramping incidents. I’ll go until my body “locks up”, repair myself, then go again. There is an old saying in the sports world that “fatigue makes cowards of us all” and anyone who has ever been told this has a story about sucking it up and refocusing on the task at hand. Now, that being said, not only did he break me, he didn’t even have to say a word to do it! He patrols the posture clinics and just pops in from time to time to observe and offer feedback. Wednesday, he walked into my posture clinic and sat down to observe and I was in the on deck circle. Now, the posture clinics are cozy little gatherings where perhaps 35-40 people gather in a room devoid of chairs or any other furnishings and recite their posture dialogue in front of 2 or 3 evaluators. The tension can at times be palpable. The evaluators give feedback to each individual performing regarding your pace, voice, other speaking idiosyncrasies (nervous habits and the like) and of course the verbatim recitation of the dialogue. I was positioned directly in front of the door when he busted in like John Wayne charging through some western saloon doors. He knelt down and evaluated the gal who was in front of me. She knocked it out of the park (way to go Cheri) and he commented, got up and left. He wasn’t even in the room and I sounded like a drunken college frat boy when I delivered my dialogue and that, specifically is one of the many things we are learning here my friends. It’s not just about yoga asana (postures) but also about the mental aspect of yoga. Not allowing anyone to steal your peace and not creating illusions that hold us back. Realizing that the struggles we face in our day-to-day lives are many times just that, illusions which we create and then assign power to! Perhaps physically I can’t be broken, but if all it takes to throw me off my game is another human being’s presence, I have a ways to go. At least I realize it and will strive to improve and Craig may never know the impact that simply walking in to the room had, but it has started a new thought process that will have far reaching affects.
I get the feeling from the things that he says now when teaching class that he thinks we have improved (not that he doesn’t expect so much more, but we are not loser plebs anymore). It’s quite gratifying to hear that our efforts have pointed us in the right direction. Many people seem to be afraid of him but actually; I think under different circumstances, we could be friends. I like the principles he espouses and I can tell we have traveled some of the same roads in the martial arts. I kind of view him as a kindred spirit. I have some experience with the kohai/dohai relationship and hope to someday be able to talk to him in a different setting about his past as well as a number of other items in detail.
I had talked about participating in some extra classes so I would have performed 100 during my stay here. If my calculations were correct, I would need to perform 5 additional classes to equal 100 and that would mean I would have to start this Sunday as there are only 5 Sundays remaining. I don’t know if I have it in me to start this Sunday. We will see how I feel and perhaps I can talk to someone on the staff to see if my calculations are correct regarding the number of classes we will be taking here. I’m just worn out today and prefer not to think about it…
