I remember telling Julie from the Bloomington studio how I hung on every word she wrote while at teacher training (Fall 2006) and how I would check several times per week just to see if she had posted something new. For me, it was so exciting when she did, but I could not figure out for the life of me why she just didn’t upload smaller bits more often as it seemed easier to me for her to do it that way and at the same time it would have fulfilled my ever growing need for information regarding the training. Well Jules, it’s all crystallized right here in front of me now. I clearly understand why you did what you did! Thanks for caring enough to take the time back then and I can’t wait to give you a hug when I get back! Does it really seem like that long ago?
I’m attempting not to look ahead but I must tell you that I’ve actually started to figure out how many “working days” we have left. We have 14 left by my count, not including Saturdays because what the hell, that would mean adding on 2 extra days. They are like half days because there is only 1 class that day and then nothing else. We can find a way to justify anything in our own minds, can’t we? After careful consideration, I’m ok with this one!
Lisa Ingle rocked #54. There are many instructors visiting here and they all do a tremendous job, but only a handful get to teach. I believe everyone wants to though as it seems like quite an honor to teach in this setting. All of this, of course, is at Bikram’s discretion and all of them teach an excellent class. Some stick out more than others though. Lisa taught a fun, fast paced class that started the week off in grand fashion, Texas style! She told several quick, funny stories and introduced us to both the Texas sit up (yelling out yeha while performing the sit up) as well as the New Jersey sit up (yelling out fuck you while performing the sit up). Apparently there has been some good-natured banter between Lisa and Craig in the past over this and it was a great twist to start the week. Quite entertaining yet oddly enough I have yet to find either versions of this sit up in the dialogue we were given!
Rajashree returned 5/12 for class #55. As usual she was shiny, sparkling, glowing and all the while she kicked our butts. Her ability to do this, as well as to see the entire room to correct people is simply amazing. If you ever have an opportunity to take a class from her or attend one of her seminars, please make sure you do. You will get a glimpse of what real yoga is all about!
Classes #54 through #60 were great. I remember this yoga now. It’s the yoga that made me happy. It’s the yoga that started to and continues to fix my body. It’s the yoga that made me pull the plug on everything in my life to attend this training. It’s the yoga I can’t stop talking about and want to share with others. I hope this is not some type of cruel joke devised by the staff as part of week 6’s festivities! I’m not sure weather to be encouraged by this phenomenon or to be paranoid at this point. I’ve been told to be encouraged, but…
Juan rocked class #58. He is loud, rapid fire and I found him very funny. I enjoyed his class as well as his sense of humor quite a bit. He’s a very small guy and everyone should ask his or her studio owners about Juan’s story. I would tell a bit about it here but I’m not sure I actually know the truth. Apparently, he went to Bikram’s studio some time ago for teacher training and never left. He actually lives at the studio under Rajashree’s desk, or so I’ve been told. I’m not sure how long ago this was or if in fact it is true. We were not introduced to him as we were all of the other visiting teachers nor did we have an opportunity to thank him for his instruction. If I don't get the opportunity while he's here, I want to say thanks Juan for the energetic, entertaining and most productive class!
Bikram & Rajashree left Thursday the 15th for Bisnu’s final arrangements in Calcutta. Apparently they have what turns out to be a two-day flight stopping at several cities en route to India. Bikram is supposed to return next Wednesday and Rajashree is scheduled to return for graduation. We will see what happens.
I was a bit disappointed today when I realized that many of the things Rajashree pointed out in her lectures that beginners would do improperly with regards to posture are many of the same issues I struggle with during my practice on a daily basis. I know that perfect posture is not the point and I’m well aware of how far I have come, but something saddens me when I look at others that express beautiful postures and yet don’t even seem to be trying very hard while I seem to have to give every ounce of strength I have to express what seems to amount to a beginner’s version of the posture. Remember in the movie “Rudy” when coach says he wished he could put Rudy’s heart into some of his player’s bodies? Sometimes when you are struggling, that’s little consolation. You shake it off though and remember everything is exactly how it’s supposed to be, including me. My lower body will one day cooperate and I will have tremendous stories to tell. Until then we fight the good fight with our happy smiling faces!
I really would like to be able to talk to some of the teachers here for recertification this weekend and get some honest feedback regarding the conditions here. Without offending anyone, I’ve noticed a number of them struggling in class and have seen this pattern happen several times when new teachers arrive. I take two things from this. One is that we have gotten better as time has gone on even if we don’t quite realize it yet and two is that the conditions here are extreme and if one is not used to them they can be overwhelming even for the experienced yogi.
For one of the few times in my life people are not insisting that I use my “inside voice”. I love it! People in this environment actually wish they could use their voice to empower others, as that is the essence of what we are here to start developing. Some can, but just don’t know it yet and others are struggling to find their power source inside. My “instrument” is perfect for speaking to a room full of people and I’m glad I was given this gift. I now must continue to develop my other tools so I have the complete package to offer others!
I remember when I tested for Shodan (1st degree black belt) in Santa Barbara, CA. back in 1989, which by the way seems like a lifetime ago now, one of the requirements was to fight full contact with 2 of my senior instructors while having my back against a wall, no holds barred. My guess is that everyone can intimate approximately how that story ends and without going into all of the gory details let’s jump ahead in the time machine to Friday, May 16th 2008. Now, let’s pretend for a moment that class #63 represents the wall I had my back against and Bikram yoga & Craig Villani represent those two senior black belt instructors. I’m willing to bet you already know where this is going, yes?
I started class off well, doing the full first set of Awkward Pose and falling out with only 4 seconds left in the second set. I started to falter at Triangle and when we went to the floor my world started to spin, but as I insisted earlier I would do, I refused to quit. From years in the auto industry I know that people generally are aware of little warning signs going on with their vehicles that, if addressed at the time they are noticed usually are relatively minor repairs. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, people let them go until something dramatic happens and the resulting issue is far more serious as well as expensive to repair. I say this because it was at this time in the class that I started to feel what I would describe as a noticeable vibration coming from one of the wheels in the front of “my vehicle” which got worse as class went on. By the time we approached Camel I would say it went from noticeable to violent as I stayed in Savasana for the second parts of several of the spine strengthening series postures with the mindset that I must perform both sets of Camel in order for me not to have given into the desire to quit and thus feel defeated. Little did I know that Mr. Villani had a one-minute, second set Camel in mind for Friday evening’s class. He actually didn’t say it was a one-minute Camel until after it was over and honestly, had he announced that those were his intentions prior to the posture, he may very well have broken me right there. Staying with the car analogy, how I would describe what happened next is that my front left wheel fell off my vehicle!
Remember I mentioned earlier that I was hoping for 2 more “experiences” exactly like the “He Man” release from week 3? Well, be careful what you wish for brothers and sisters because this emotional release topped that one hands down! I wish I had a little check list that as these “issues” were released I could mark them off the list and know what was next, big issue or small issue. It’s too bad it doesn’t work that way. It would make the process much tidier. I’m still not sure I’ve completely recovered as I spent the rest of the night and well into today (Saturday) quite disoriented and somewhat confused. I distinctly remember through the fog thinking at some point after class that I needed to somehow destroy the towel I was on because it now had a lot of bad “Ju Ju” on it and with all of the toxic sweat, tears and emotional “upheaval” pouring out onto it, I didn’t want another yogi/yogini using it for fear that the bad Ju Ju would mysteriously transfer somehow to them! Of course, as if the staff knew my personal plight, they played Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” at the conclusion of class. I stayed in the room for about 20 minutes after everyone else then I stayed outside on the grass for about 45 minutes in an attempt to recover before I drug myself up to the room for a shower and some electrolytes.
As if that weren’t enough, we had posture clinic that night and we were working on Full Locust. For anyone not familiar with the posture, imagine lying on your stomach, feet and legs together, arms out to your sides, palms down like an airplane. Then, on command, raising both your upper body as well as your lower body off the ground balancing only on your hip bones. I struggle with these postures due to a weak low back, giant thighs and upper body as well as a spine that at times feels as if it were constructed with rebar. Now, here I am, disoriented from class 2 hours earlier and as it ends up I have to perform about 7 of these postures in a row with one of those being held for 1 full minute. One of my study buddies, Mary Jane, was one of the people they made repeat the dialogue several times and she was the one who had to do the one-minute dialogue. I could tell by the look in her eyes during breakfast today that she felt like she personally was the cause of my discomfort and that perhaps I was upset with her. Nothing could be further from the truth and I’ll have to make sure I talk to her about it. I could have done without the extra Full Locusts but everything happens the way it is supposed to happen, including this. Stay cool Mary Jane, we have more dialogue to get through girl!
With that in mind, I again encourage everyone who practices this yoga to go to the very edge as often as possible, stay there until it feels as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Most people spend their entire lives running from that place because it can be very dark and quite frightening, but that’s where the magic can be found! Unfortunately, it’s also where “the beast” lives and while I wish I could help in this regard, there are struggles there that only you can endure. I will share this with you from my personal struggles both here and in the past; the beast is a coward and always gives in because he knows where his power comes from. He doesn’t give in just because you knock on his door though. Stand there and look him in the eyes and realize that it was you that gave him this power he now uses over you. It was you that built him up to his current size and strength, but it is also you that knows the exact way to defeat him and that’s with courage, fearlessness and this regular yoga practice. Have the courage to confront the beast and the fearlessness not to quit, ever, under any circumstances. You’ll feel like a different human being afterwards, I guarantee it. I know I do and it’s mainly because you will be a different human being! Remember, if we could do this task of fixing ourselves by ourselves, we wouldn’t need the yoga…
I have been talking about taking a Sunday class since I arrived here and was going to do it today but was afraid teacher recertification would result in some sort of insanely brutal class that frankly I did not have in me, not on my day off. I did however want to prepay for a class t-shirt and they were meeting at the yoga room today for one final time. I went over there and ran into Tatiana who is in my dialogue group. I asked her what she was doing there and she said she was there for the opportunity to do yoga, not a make up class. I told her I had been considering it and she said I should just do it. My exact thoughts were if you can’t face the little challenges, how on earth will you ever face the larger ones? I ran back up to my room, got dressed and returned to participate in what was one of the better classes I've had since I have been here. Thanks Tatiana for the gentle bump. I know you have used your super hero powers of beauty and charm on many a man. Your beauty draws one in, your smile sparkles and your voice encourages, calms & soothes. You’re going to make an excellent teacher because you have the ability to inspire. Let the word go forth from this time and place: I now consider you a little sister. You fool with DePillo, you fool with DiNuzzo!
Speaking of little sisters ~ Happy Birthday Tina!
