Forging a New Me ~

Om Shanti Om

2008-06-08T20:54:00.011-05:00

Thanks Kris for “reminding me” that I really wanted to attend class on Sunday. Again, all I needed was a little bump and I’m glad you were there to provide it. You have been a great deal of fun throughout this entire process and I’m glad our last names linked us together for this training! It helped that they added an extra late class and I also assumed that taking it would help me on Monday morning. I honestly did not think it was possible for me to feel any stiffer than I felt when I went to bed on Sunday night, but apparently I was incorrect. I continue to have what I would refer to as “minor to moderate aches and pains” pop up in a variety of new places as well as those that inhabit the same old places and while they would not be enough to cause me to miss any single session, I simply did not have the energy to go to class early Monday morning and “encourage” others the way that I had intended to. I had my hands full with the job of “encouraging” myself!

Monday night was movie night and I think Bikram picked a movie out just for us. The final act of the talent show was a bit of a spoof on the movies we had been watching late night with Bikram. A company named Bollywood produced the movies and they always had several group dance numbers in them sort of like a Michael or Janet Jackson video! They decided to name the skit “Bollywood”. They had 3 men dressed in costumes replicating clothing from India sitting on some chairs with big cushions and then pairs of scantily clad, extremely attractive women would come out and dance in a suggestive fashion around the men to a song taken from one of Bikram’s DVDs. Well, Bikram played the movie that the song was taken from for us tonight and I actually had a chance to ask him if he enjoyed the talent show and he said he did. That’s why I believe he picked this movie out just for us. The name of the movie was Om Shanti Om and the song was actually a catchy little number that sort of gets stuck in your head, so for 2 days after the talent show and 2 days after the movie Monday night, people were walking around singing this song and smiling at each other because you knew if you were not singing it, you were thinking it! I think I finally made it to bed at 3:30 am.

We were allowed to watch the advanced series class in the afternoon today and while I know it is taught regularly at the Lyndale studio in Minneapolis, I have never seen it in its entirety. It’s quite impressive actually. My camera steamed up and prevented me from taking any good pictures but just to watch the participants as well as Bikram and Emmy go through the class was something else. Emmy can still put her foot behind her head at 82 (or whatever her age is) and the other people going through the class perform in a fashion that would make your head spin. The advanced series moves at a very fast pace and seems a bit less strict in its form. That may have just been for our benefit though; I’m not 100% sure. If you practice this yoga and have an opportunity to watch an advanced class, don’t pass it up!

The final week’s classes were taught by an all-star lineup of senior teachers:

1)    Emmy’s Monday morning class was 2 hrs long and there seemed as if there was no air circulating at all. I crashed big time!

2)    Bikram taught Monday night’s class and it was a decent class for me but I was still recovering from the morning class.

3)    Emmy’s Tuesday morning class was much better for me as at one point I started to fade but surprisingly recovered after sitting out Locust Pose and then finished quite strong.

4)    Jason Wynn taught Tuesday nights class and again, as with the first class he taught, I had one of the better classes I have had in some time here. I got the feeling everyone else did as well!

5)    Jim Kallett taught Wednesday morning and I had another rough go of it. It seemed long and hot!

6)    Craig taught Wednesday evening and it was a great, fast paced class that for me was full of fun and yoga joy. I again remembered this yoga. He had a contest on who could hold the second part of Awkward pose the longest. I held it for 2:08. The eventual winner, Tyrone, held it for over 3 minutes and was then given the opportunity to go up on the podium and deliver the next postures dialogue. Nicely done Tyrone.

7)    Rajashree taught Thursday morning and as usual it was very hard work but made me feel sparkling and shining afterwards just like Rajashree’s eyes. They were filming both Rajashree as well as the students for this class.

8)    Bikram finished it up on Thursday evening to a packed house with a great class that enabled everyone to finish strong and enjoy his teaching style complete with several demonstrations of postures, a couple of jokes and a song at the end. It wasn’t a second over 90 minutes, in fact I believe it was under even with all of the extra stuff. The film was rolling once again.

Thursday night was a self-induced movie night. I stayed up until 5:30 am watching movies in the theater with Bikram and about 12 other people. Some were required to be there as there were no more make up classes and everyone is required to have a zero balance in order to graduate so the staff came up with other things like cleaning the lecture hall and assisting in boxing up merchandise to be shipped back to the States. There were probably 5 of us there voluntarily and some of those were regulars. This was the second time I had joined in and the first time I pulled an all nighter voluntalily.

I sense a feeling of completion here amongst the trainees and while it probably is so, I think back once again to my martial arts days and relay a story to you that was taught to me early on. In the old days, one was given a belt (Obi) when they started training as part of their uniform (Keikogi). That belt was white and as one continued to train under a variety of circumstances, the belt would invariably begin to show signs of age, most notably by becoming increasingly dirty. As time continued to pass by and one trained more and more and more, that white belt would turn black. After years of additional training, the outer layer of fabric would wear away and the white inner layers would begin to show again thus completing the circle from white to black and then back to white again. It seems to me that what we did here over the past 9 weeks was get a little dirt on our belts. Every one of us now needs to continue both to practice as well as to teach until our belts turn a darker shade of black. There is still much work to be done and I hope people never lose sight of that fact!

Graduation was an odd mix of elation, relief and exhaustion as we gathered to enjoy each other’s company as a group for one final time. The demonstration was incredible and every participant showed the audience exactly what the physical practice of this yoga was all about. It was my pleasure to watch as 2 participants from my group were involved and both did an outstanding job. Congratulations Annie and Jane! You were really, really beautiful and I know that the amount of extra work you put in may have, at times, made you wonder if it was all going to be worth it. I know I’ve said it several times now, but it was another moment I will remember for a very long time and I hope it is a lasting memory for you as well. You were among the best of this graduating class!

To everyone in my group, with whom I have spent so much time these last 9 weeks, I know there are some of you I will never see again and others that I will have the opportunity to see numerous times in the future. I wish each and every one of you success no matter what path life takes you down. Take the things we have learned here and apply them daily in your life without fear or regard for what others may think. You know what’s right and should always follow your hearts. If you ever need some one to talk to, email me and we can talk about whatever you would like. I guess once you feel comfortable enough discussing diarrhea with some one, anything is open for discussion after that!

That reminds me of a story about a guy I know here for training named Greg who was in line somewhere around the hotel early on, perhaps week 2 or 3, when everyone’s stomach was sour and we were all suffering from diarrhea. He’s asking this young lady how her stomach was and whether or not she was taking something to stop the constant onslaught of trips to the bathroom until he figures out, probably from the look of horror in her eyes, that she had no idea what he was talking about and was not actually here to practicing yoga with our group but was a regular hotel guest! How’s that for an introduction!

To everyone here who over the last 9 weeks spoke the words “are you alright” or “can I help” with a pure heart and honest intentions, not just to me, but to anyone in need, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. During one of the few times I had the television on over the course of the last 2 months, I was watching a news show and they were running footage of a man who had been hit by a moving vehicle somewhere in the northeast. I was shocked as the footage continued to run and person after person simply stood or walked by this man as he lay there in the street. Bikram said numerous times during his lectures that just because you are born a human being, and look like a human being, that only means you get 5% credit for actually being a human being. I’m starting to understand your words a little bit better now Boss!

To Bikram’s staff and everyone at head quarters who made this session of teacher training operate so smoothly, a thank you hardly seems adequate. I had an opportunity to say this to many of you, but in case I missed someone let me document here and now that I certainly could not have accomplished the completion of this training without help from each and every one of you in one form or another. I imagine not everyone’s experience was the same, but I for one understand the job you all decided to undertake and admire how steadfastly everyone worked together to move us along a path that we really had very little understanding of when we met for orientation that very first Monday. Some still may not understand and maybe never will. Perhaps eventually, in the future, all will come to realize the burdens of leadership and appreciate both the effort and emotional investment each one of you put into our development. Thanks again to each of you for both your individual as well as your collective efforts.

There are so many things that never made it into this blog that gave this experience the color and texture that blog entries simply cannot do justice to. Like the actual feeling of the heat as you enter the yoga studio and it smacks you in the face, Bikram breaking coconuts open with his head, a person who began to expel shards of glass from their skin that apparently had been left over from an automobile accident years before or a gal named Ashley, who on my very first “rough” class gave me a back rub as I laid on my mat outside of class and cried for the very first time. She had no idea who I was or what was going on with me but she offered her assistance without hesitation and if I recall correctly, I don’t think I ever saw her without a smile on her face. Not just her, but her runnin’ buddy Karen and her “friend” Tim, who I’m quite certain all had their own down days just like the rest of us, but never do I remember seeing any of them without a happy, smiling, friendly face and positive, encouraging attitude. In fact, the entire Aussie contingent seemed exactly like that and I enjoyed interacting with each and every one of them. It must be the water down under! They all sum up what I like best about many of the participants here at this training and reconfirm the reason I initially wanted to undertake this challenge. These are beautiful people and they are filled with all of the seeds that I need to continue germinating in my life. Now, let’s be real here for a moment so people don’t think I’ve been brainwashed or I’ve lost my mind or something. I have no doubt that we are all a bit dysfunctional as could clearly be seen during our posture clinics with the burning desire to be perfect on each and every posture. Our “Type A” personalities really stuck out, as did many of our compulsive habits (or maybe that was just me and my room mate, I’m not sure). Craig said several times that it seems that the teachers have the most stuff to work through and he’s probably correct! Just the same, I hope to continue to surround myself with these types of people and with any luck at all I will have the opportunity to laugh and talk about these times with some of these same people in the not to distant future! I miss them already and I have yet to leave the hotel!

The other reason I have had a difficult time relaying a true sense of what has gone on here is a man by the name of Mr. Bikram Choudhury. One must be within arms length of him to truly appreciate what I’m talking about. In a 10-minute span you can be educated, entertained, reprimanded, amazed, confused as well as frustrated and angered. He is the reason, the only reason, we all have been here for the last 9 weeks and as he started to say repeatedly last week at about this time, we are all going to miss each and every thing associated with this training, the camaraderie, the 2 classes a days, the lectures, the staff, Mexico, and yes even the posture clinics, but most of all we are going to miss “the Boss” and all that he encompasses. His detractors may say what they will; I came here for the yoga and Yogi Raj Bikram Choudhury’s guidance. The man they say has taught more yoga, to more people, than any one alive today. I called down the thunder and got caught in a perfect yoga storm that at times tossed my ship around in an extremely violent fashion. Now, as the water begins to calm, I wonder what the future has in store for me and suddenly, I am transported back to my yoga room and I hear the admonition to stand still, meditate, breath and stay in the moment. So be it ~

Buckminster Fuller wrote "You never change something by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete".

Tolstoy wrote, "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself”.

The man known as Frank Anthony DiNuzzo, who stepped on a plane in Minneapolis, Minnesota on April 5th, 2008 and traveled to Acapulco, Mexico to begin a quest to both find as well as reinvent himself physically and mentally, no longer exists. When people look into the eyes of the fellow they used to know as Frank DiNuzzo, they may be surprised at the man who has taken his place. I’ve already surprised myself several times over the course of the last 2 months and I’m sure many of my fellow participants will find themselves in the exact same situation. Bikram says not to blame him if people don’t recognize us when we get back and in the first week you wonder just what the hell he’s talking about! The second question you ask yourself is, even so, exactly how much can happen in the span of just a few short months! Man, if you only knew the half of it…

What's that light?

2008-06-01T12:37:00.001-05:00

I meant to write about this in my last post but forgot to jot down a note as I usually do during the week to remind myself of things I want to elaborate on as topics pop into my head. I had a run of 3 rough classes in a row again last week. One was Wednesday night and two more came on Thursday. My roommate has insisted since about the 3rd week that your position in the room makes a difference as to what sort of class you will have. The staff has made us rotate positions in the room every day according to a preprinted schedule as there are 12 lines for students in the room and your group is assigned 3 lines each time to set your mat down on. Supposedly, 1/2/3 and 10/11/12 have less airflow and therefore made for a tougher class. Rows 4/5/6 and 7/8/9 have ventilation in the ceiling and can make for a somewhat better class. I had refused to allow this idea to germinate in my mind because I did not want to be defeated before I even entered the room simply because of my groups line assignment! I must admit however that after 8 weeks of two classes a day that I think there is something to it. I had 2 days on 1/2/3 and 1 day on 10/11/12 last week and actually caught myself for the second time since I’ve been here (at least that I can remember) attempting to take it easy during several postures so that I could make it through the entire class. You may remember the other time was just after I had cramped and Luke came and practiced next to me for a posture to “inspire” me. I didn’t need Luke this time to refocus my mind but afterwards I started to think more about this incident. I started to go full out again during that class and that eventually caused a crash and burn situation during that class on Thursday night. Food, electrolytes and a nap started to get me back on track but the point is that I don’t want to fade here in the final week of this experience. I don’t want to just go on cruise control and throw in the towel physically or mentally. Everyone seems to already be in countdown mode as we only have 8 classes left and I mentioned at dinner last night that even though this is the case, I want to go full out just as I have been doing since April 7th regardless of whether or not I crash a couple of more times. I have no idea what my line assignments are for next week, but I want to finish with the same type of integrity that I started this process with regardless of the consequences. A spinning room will only last a couple of hours while a failure to maintain what I have started here may leave a mark that lasts forever. I will encourage my fellow trainees to do the same. I think I’ll wake up early this Monday and greet everyone as they enter the facility and “cheer” them on.

11 pounds

2008-05-31T23:37:00.003-05:00

Our group dinner was great last Sunday night. I was sorry that several people could not join us for a variety of reasons, but we all enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. Everyone really gets along in grand fashion and I could see us all enjoying each other’s company outside of our current setting. We met at a little Italian restaurant not far from the hotel and spent several hours laughing and just relaxing and eating like you would back home. It was really very nice and only the second time I was off the hotel grounds in the last 8 weeks for anything other than groceries. I’m glad I did not blow it off because I was so tired!

Remember when I was talking about “the beast” and everyone having his or her own struggle to pass through? Well, Craig mentioned the same thing during a talk today. He gave credit to someone else for saying that if you truly understand the beast as well as the mind; you don’t actually have to fight it at a certain point. Instead of fighting, you can just kiss it on the cheek and it will go away. He said it was one of his favorite quotes and I am going to attempt to track down who said it and read up a wee bit more on exactly what was said. As with any discipline, more advanced practitioners can generally perform whatever they are doing with an ease and grace that makes it seem much simpler than it actually is. That’s the point though! In the beginning we “try to hard” and make it seem like a giant task when in fact relaxation is what is called for to effectively complete the task at hand. It actually doesn’t just look easy, it is easy and we are the ones that make it difficult! Bikram actually said the same thing to some one in class regarding triangle pose. He said the gentleman was trying too hard and that it was just as bad as not trying hard enough. I guess I find myself doing that quite often, especially in triangle, not to mention several other areas of my life. I need to observe and correct in a much more timely fashion and begin by letting go just a tad and not holding on quite so tight. You can’t control everything, can you? I guess a better question is, you can’t control anything, can you?

I thought we had great fun with Sheri in posture clinic Monday this last week. I felt it was a relaxed, friendly, positive and fun clinic. The tone seems to have changed to a happier, more encouraging environment around here and I noticed it immediately. She seems to frighten some people because of her direct and unyielding approach but I sort of liked it. I’ll bet she’s successful outside of yoga. While the staff seemed far more pleasant, my fellow trainees seemed to be steadily getting more and more angry. I’m not exactly sure why, but I can both see it on peoples faces as well as feel it in the air. I think a part of it is because people let their guard down once we were finished with dialogue in posture clinics and now we are required to perform dialogue in a “mock class” setting where each trainee is required to perform 3 postures in a row with the entire 16 person group as demonstrators instead of only 3 individuals. It didn’t really bother me that much, but people seemed to have had a rather violent and angry reaction to the change in the program. Granted, I probably could have done without what amounted to a third class every day, but the recitation of the dialogue seemed like no big deal to me. I had forgotten parts, chunks in fact, but just attempted to keep going just like one would have to do in an actual class. Perhaps it was because our studio directors sort of prepared us for this eventuality prior to our departure or because I really just started to relax a bit and have some fun. It seemed to me invaluable as we were afforded the opportunity to stand in front of a larger group of people and see what it feels like to direct a group “with the cameras rolling”. I actually hope we do some more!

There is a gentleman here from Scotland where apparently there are no studios. Someone told me that he had been performing his yoga with space heaters and a book prior to his arrival here. Craig referred to him as “Scotland” in several classes and had some fun with his accent and the nickname stuck. I must tell you though that I have a tremendous amount of respect for him and we were together in posture clinic the other day and I asked him to tell me what his real name was and that I no longer wished to refer to him as “Scotland”. He told me Steve and from now on that is the only way I will refer to him. He played several songs on the piano during the talent show as well as represented his group reciting the final posture dialogue in front of the 300 trainees and every teacher in the house. He did both like he had been doing them for years and that is what earned my respect. I guess I just didn’t know him very well and not that there is anything wrong with a nickname given out of affection, but in my mind, I feel he deserves much more due to his talent as well as his courage. Way to go Steve!

Speaking of the final posture clinic, as I said it was performed on stage, in the lecture hall, in front of the entire group, teachers and trainees alike. I had volunteered to be a back up as many in my group rattled off the dialogue over the last several weeks like they had been studying it their entire lives and I thought it would be a nice gesture to show my support. Somehow, the next thing you know, I was installed as the main player and started to get a little bit nervous and have second thoughts about the whole deal. After all, I had months to prepare for the first posture in front of Bikram and this was going to be in a day or two! Everyone was great though and offered their help in every way imaginable. Thanks Kris and Spencer for the last minute prep. One thing I have noticed over the time we have been doing these posture clinics and reciting the dialogue was the fact that the person performing the dialogue usually thinks they do far worse than what they actually do! I was pretty amped up when I went up there and forgot a line in the beginning of the pose, but otherwise everyone said I did great. I’ll have to take their word for it. One thing I am absolutely certain of however is that everyone’s eyes & smiles sent a charge through my body that I must say I had not felt in some time. The minute I was done everyone jumped off of the floor and rushed me for handshakes and hugs. I was honored to represent our group and I'm oh so glad I did it instead of attempting to wiggle out of it. It is another in an ever-growing list of moments produced here that I will remember for as long as I live! Thanks guys for both offering and creating such a special, special moment for me.

Posture clinics have now turned into lectures on different aspects of teaching class as well as timing and how to handle different things that may come up during class. I’m sure that it’s just basic stuff, as the depth of individual things that can occur during any one class has to be staggering. For example, one day this week, Bikram taught half of the class and did not feel well. You could tell something was up because the pace of the class was very, very quick. All of a sudden he walks off of the podium and towards the back where the teachers are situated. He calls on a gentleman from Vancouver and tells him to take over the class. Now here you are as a visiting teacher, all sweaty and possibly disoriented from participating in class and suddenly you are thrust up in front of everyone and told to finish it up! I guess there is no way to prepare everyone for everything that possibly can happen, but they started going over some of the basics.

Have you ever worked really hard outside, maybe on the farm or as a laborer, and then after all of the work has been performed and you are done for the day, you have an ice cold beer. That first one is always the best one and tastes like nothing else! We had a bit of designed relaxation Friday evening with volunteers arranging and participating in a talent show that was enjoyed immensely by everyone. After weeks of incredibly hard work, we really got to enjoy each other’s company and got to see a different side of some of the people participating in this training. Honestly, to me, it didn’t matter what people were doing, it was a load of fun. I mean just a hoot! There was plenty of music, dancing, skits and Craig was a good sport and participated in a little juggling act that had everyone in stitches. We laughed, clapped, cheered and whistled for several hours and truly had a great time. Bikram bought pizza for everyone prior to the event and although I could not see him from where I was seated in the lecture hall, I think he enjoyed himself as well. By the way, that anger that seemed to permeate the air earlier in the week was nowhere to be found!

I don’t know if I said this before or not as the last 2 months have bled together to create a tapestry that has me somewhat confused with regards to anything time related, but if you practice this yoga, take the time to teach someone you love pranayama breathing. Even if you have attempted to get them to a studio and they chased you off their porch with a broom, do it. People’s lives would be improved simply by performing this one aspect of Bikram yoga. Go tell your folks you love them and you have a gift for them. Let your Dad laugh at you and then get your Mom to start doing breathing exercises every morning. Everyone can easily do it and it’s really important!

Apparently I have put on 11 lbs during my time here, although to look at me before and after, you would have no idea. In fact you would swear that I lost 20 pounds. That’s what I thought after looking at myself in the mirror recently! My clothing fits like a bed sheet and my face seems visibly thinner! It really seemed as if every three weeks I have looked thinner and thinner and thinner. I told myself that I would not step on a scale until I returned home, but curiosity got the best of me this week. I weighted in at 198 the day I left home and yesterday weighted in at 209. Incredible, considering to me anyway, my body looks completely different.

Jason Wynn taught an excellent class today, #86. He never raised his voice or seemed stern yet he had complete control of the room in every aspect for the entire 90 minutes. I have noticed a distinct pattern with all of the visiting teachers and that is the ones with a quicker paced class, heavier on specific instruction regarding how to perform the postures and then controlling transitions from one posture to another are the ones that seem to allow me to have my best classes regardless of how I am feel. For example, this morning I was so stiff I was unsure what was the best way to get out of bed, grab a leg and throw it off of the side of the bed or just to roll over until my legs fell on the floor, yet after the first 2 postures I felt great and ended up having one of my better classes. Craig actually discussed the issue of transitions during his lecture the other day regarding the “basics” and I am starting to see why it is an important issue to consider.

Week #7

2008-05-24T21:03:00.011-05:00

I forgot to send a shout out to everyone who finished his or her 30-day challenge at Bikram Yoga of Bloomington. Great job guys! I hope the yoga gods have touched you in some fashion as that sort of effort rarely goes without reward, if not now, most certainly in the future. Congratulations to everyone!

I have watched a combined total of about 4 hours of television in the 2 months I have been here and have listened to very little music. I turned on my cell phone twice since I’ve been here and have not watched a single sporting event. How on earth have I done without these things all of this time? The Pittsburgh Penguins have rocked the playoffs and are playing for the Stanley Cup. Believe it or not I actually thought about bringing several of my Penguin jerseys here in anticipation of just this sort of thing. I can only imagine the look on the hotel staff’s faces as I walked by in a hockey jersey! Go Pens!

Just a note to document the exact time it happened. Monday, the 19th day in the month of May at 19:43 after class #67, that was the first time I thought I wouldn’t mind going home.

Tuesday was the first rain we have had since our arrival. It was pretty windy and rained very hard at times. It felt great to come out of class and just let the cool rain drench you. Several people just sat on the lawn in front of the “studio” and enjoyed Mother Nature as she replenished the earth with her life giving waters. I looked at a tree and my first thought was that I had been missing out on this experience my entire life. Simply enjoying the rain as it fell, no running for cover, no looking for shelter. The plants seem to say to me “this is how it always is when it rains, where have you been brother”? It actually took quite a bit of the humidity out of the air and was really, really refreshing. It’s as if my senses have been cleaned or cleared or something. I can’t believe how much pleasure I got out of simply standing outside in the rain!

Bikram returned Tuesday (5/20) at 11:30 and we all gathered in the hotel lobby to welcome him back. To me he seemed a little tired and why not. It was quite a week for him flying all over the world to attend to his friend’s final arrangements. It’s good to have him back and one could sense that he was glad to be back as well.

A gal by the name of Sheri Hull taught an excellent class Wednesday morning, class #69. She taught with dead on dialogue and excellent pace. I enjoyed it very much. The following day I actually had her leading our group’s posture clinic. During posture clinic everyone takes their turn and when you get up people generally announce their group number (there are 2 groups together in the room), last name, then first name. When I got up to present my dialogue she said “Frank DiNuzzo, I practiced in Minneapolis for a bit and happen to still be on Herb and Laiki’s mailing list. I’ve been following along with your blog and was waiting to meet you as well as to listen to your dialogue. No pressure, start when you’re ready”. "Oh shit" I thought! I heard several people intimate that she was really tough when she walked in and thought here we go, nice job mister blog man! I made some sort of nervous comment like “as if it wasn’t tough enough” and asking if it wasn’t tough for her. There seemed to be some confusion about whether I was talking about this training or blogging and I said training. She said no, not really and I asked if I could touch her. She graciously played along and let me hold her hand. I sort of went on autopilot from there and to be honest I could not really tell you what type of performance I delivered. Her critique was fair, as I am certain my dialogue was not exact and she mentioned my nervous energy in the form of my constant motion, which has been discussed several times in the past, so I’m sure she was dead on. I like her and talked to her several times after that. She’s in Las Vegas now but has family in Minneapolis and practiced both in Bloomington as well as at the Lyndale studio in 2003. Thanks Sheri for your friendly smile, for your good-natured “ribbing”, for your honest assessment and for an excellent class to boot. Great job! I hope to chat some more before you take off. I also hope you continue to read along for the remainder of my journey here!

Bikram taught #70, which was an evening class. He usually does teach the evening class and it was great to see him back up on his “throne”.

Dale Hall from Canada (Christian’s studio) taught #71 and as it usually happens in life, like magic, the universe opens up and we start to hear what we are ready to hear. He spoke so much during class about us being exactly where we were supposed to be and how far we have come both individually and as a group. He talked about relaxing and not pressuring yourself to be something you are not. It was a great class and I needed to “hear” everything he was talking about. Throughout the week a number of people expressed how much they enjoyed practicing next to me, as I seemed to give of great energy. Heather, during her posture clinic on Thursday morning said those that struggle the most get the most benefit from their practice. Now, this is not the first time I have heard any of these things, but it made me think a bit about my previous post and the “Rudy” comment. I received a number of emails regarding it telling me it’s ok, I should not be worried about it and to just relax, etc. etc.

Just to clarify that earlier post, in case there was a tone of regret to it, as everyone cannot see my smiling face as I type these words. We are what we are and everyone should understand that as well as be ok with that. My personal journey includes performing far above average in any type of physical endeavor for as far back as I can remember. Patience has never been one of my virtues, although I do think I’m getting better. Don’t misunderstand my previous entry however. I, at one time in my practice, used to beat myself up over the level of my performance, as if this were some sort of competition, since that was really all I was ever exposed to. I no longer do that, but to be clear here, to be satisfied with where you are is a pitfall everyone should avoid. We have a tendency to stay where we are comfortable, especially after we have worked hard to achieve something and we must be constantly on the look out for this type of behavior. It’s human nature. Have an able body and think your postures are pretty good? I bet they could be better with more effort and/or guidance! That goes for everyone, beginner to 15-year practitioner. There is a giant chasm between wanting to achieve more on a personal level in your practice and feeling as if you’re a loser because you cannot perform a posture like “the beautiful people” do. I’m far from the point where physically I simply can't improve. I’m just a wee bit tight here and a wee bit chubby there and together it all adds up to hold me back and that is what at times can be frustrating. I just want to become the absolute best I can, nothing more, nothing less, regardless of the amount of time it takes to get there. Capisci?

Sometimes, depending upon the length of time allotted for a posture clinic, the number of postures performed the previous clinic and how far ahead the group is, people are reluctant to volunteer to perform dialogue. As we race towards our final week here and with an extremely tight schedule that requires a choice between extra sleep and extra study, people fall behind. I will admit that I find myself exactly in that situation as we perform the final 2 postures and Thursday’s clinic found us finishing the 23rd posture and still having enough time to start the 24th. Everyone was reluctant to present and you can usually tell because people start to hide behind others or not look directly at the evaluators as if either is going to help. The evaluators get to the point where they start to suggest that they are just going to start calling people randomly. It was at that point that I stood up and said those familiar words, group 4, DiNuzzo, Frank. Having no idea what the correct verbiage was for the posture, I just looked the demonstrators in the eye and started to tell them what to do, start to finish. Of course, everyone knew I didn’t have a clue as they followed along on their printed dialogue sheets and they must have thought, has he lost his mind? I didn’t stop once though, brought them in and out of the posture and as usual was clear, loud and commanding. I turned to our evaluator Heather and apologized for not knowing the dialogue. She reminded me of my obligation to learn the dialogue and not blow it off just because I had finished and told me good job. She said what I was doing was actually teaching these people and once combined with the proper dialogue would result in some excellent instruction. So today, if only for a moment, I conquered fear. Thanks Heather for your kindness and instruction. I meant what I told you about that clinic and it pleases me that a number of us thought the same thing. Nicely done!

Bikram taught class #72 Thursday night and it was killer. People were dropping left & right. Numerous people were carried out of the room and several others were on the floor spinning, myself included. It was the hardest class so far without a doubt! I don’t know if it was hotter in the room, he pushed us harder or we were just weak from an accumulation of classes, but something definitely affected us all. I felt like I had consumed too much alcohol and had lost the ability to have my limbs respond in a timely fashion. They were several seconds behind my brain’s commands and I really struggled during the second half of the class. I actually caught myself drooling on my leg at one point! I sat there afterwards in the lobby of the training room and cried for about a half an hour. I’m not sure exactly what the reason is but emotionally there seems to now be a release after these incredibly tough classes. It seems as if I have cried more the last 3 weeks than I have in the last 30 years, and that’s not an exaggeration. I drug my ass back to my room, which sadly I have caught myself referring to as “home” here recently, skipped dinner because I was so exhausted and showered in the hope that hot water would refresh me for at least a couple more hour. I figured I would eat after the lecture, even though it meant staying up later, so I would not be completely spent for tomorrow morning’s class.

I may have mentioned before that we are required to sign in for all “events” here and that basically means 4 times a day, 2 classes and 2 other sessions (either a lecture or a posture clinic). Failure to do so results in a punishment, which is the need to perform additional classes. There are 2 long tables at the rear of the lecture hall and 16 sheets, 8 per table, with names in alphabetical order that represent the “groups” you have been assigned to. The sheets go out approximately 25 minutes prior to the event and are removed 5 minutes prior to the start of the event. I generally arrive in plenty of time to “sign in” and Thursday night was no different accept for one thing. I didn’t notice when I signed in that there was something wrapped and sitting above the sign in sheet with my name on it. I guess in retrospect I did see it, but paid no attention to it either because I was still in a fog or simply did not care. Someone came up to me a bit later and said that there was a present for me up at the sign in desk and honestly, I had no idea what the hell they were talking about! As I got closer to the table I recognized the bundle as the item that was sitting there when I signed in. It had a sticker on it that said Frankie D and something like Go, Go, Go just below it. I opened it up and it was a t-shirt that Martha had sent me. She actually sent the entire Minneapolis contingent something as well as some prizes for people who guessed the lyrics of songs during her class here early on. Everyone wanted to know what we got and who had sent it. I felt like a celebrity walking the red carpet on Oscar night! It completely changed my frame of mind and recharged my battery, at least for the rest of the evening! We all had these giant goofy grins on our faces for the rest of the night. Thanks Martha for the simple act of kindness. I’m not sure that the red carpet analogy truly does justice to how it actually made me feel as well as what it did to our spirits!

We found out today that just as we did when we started our journey here, one representative from each of the 16 posture clinic groups would be required to recite the final posture (Spine Twisting) in front of Bikram as well as the other 300 participants in the lecture hall. I’m not sure if that’s because we have finished the dialogue recitation 2 weeks early or if everyone does this and previous attendees have been really great at keeping “a secret” because it really did come out of the blue. They are also now talking about having us recite several postures in a sort of mock class situation. Of course this is type “A” personality central and many think that they are not ready for another show in front of Bikram even though a great number of people have been blasting through their dialogue. We will see what happens as next week unfolds.

I met Melissa’s mom Katie today who is here for a short visit. You may remember her as the woman who had been reading the blog from Florida that I said hi to a while back. I see now where Melissa gets her strength! Katie has taken several classes with us and has yet to leave the room. It’s challenging enough to take a Bikram yoga class taught by Bikram himself, but to take it along with 300 students as well as a number of existing teachers under these conditions is quite impressive. Way to go Katie, nice job!

Lesson #66 is directly related to lesson #52 mentioned earlier. Never judge a book by it’s cover. We all know this one, yet several times during the course of a day we ignore it and do just that. There is a gentleman here visiting us by the name of Joel Pier. He is from Philadelphia, a long time practitioner and at first glance he reminds you of a burnt out 60’s type who did to much LSD back in the day. He has shaggy hair, glasses, is a little soft around the midsection and he carries a bag of rocks around his neck in a small leather pouch and can often be seen with his hand inside the pouch playing with them. He sort of reminds you of the absent minded professor and it would be easy to write him off as some sort of nut case. Every opportunity I had to make contact with him was an experience unlike any I have had in my life. Every now and then you have the opportunity to engage someone who does for you without any expectation of return, without a hint of selfishness. I don’t know this man very well, but in what seemed like an instant, he made me feel better about myself, about my situation here, about where I was on the path of life and just about my life in general. His knowledge catches you off guard and his mannerisms beguile you. The next thing you know you are swept away on a crest of stories, explanations and insight that you find hard to believe has you so enthralled and captivated. I sincerely hope that someday, somehow, I myself can approach his level when it comes to affecting people in a positive way. I made it a point to talk to him a bit more on several occasions and when they announced that he was leaving there was heartfelt sadness amongst the entire group. He started by telling us several stories “for the road”, which then turned into him leading us in some chanting, which then turned into singing and in no time the entire group was clapping and dancing and bouncing around as if we were plugged into some sort of high powered generator. By the time he was finished our hearts and spirits were soaring. The standing ovation he received was thunderous. Bikram himself had referred to him as a “holy man” and now I can see why. Craig refers to him as Sensei Joel. What he did for my spirit during his short stay here is a debt I’ll never be able to repay and the next time I go to Philly to visit my sister I simply must spend more time with him. Thanks Joel for taking the time to offer the tiniest crumb of knowledge to a group of starving children. You won’t soon be forgotten Sensei!

A Poem

2008-05-20T00:08:00.003-05:00

During my second cramping “episode” in week #3, after the staff had poured electrolytes into me and I had rested in my room, I was still a bit delirious and continuing to cramp during the evening lecture. Christian, one of the staff members here in Shangri-La, made a liquid concoction of sea salt, apple juice, lime juice and water mixed in a jug to get my electrolytes back in balance. The 2 liters were to be consumed in the next hour and a half and I made a comment about its secret ingredients and Christian said that the secret ingredient it was made with was love. I keep thinking about how quickly he said it and my own reluctance to share my emotions in the past. 2 years ago I certainly would not have made a comment like that. A real man acknowledges his emotions and is not afraid to share them with others. A real man does not consider himself weak because he reveals the depth of his soul. You are a real man Christian and I’m glad I had the opportunity to make your acquaintance. It made me think about some of my own emotions and I wrote this last week.

Hello my old friend anger
My new light makes you hide
Your reign as king is over
It’s time that hope was tried

You really do look weary
My faithful little friend
Relax and take it easy
There’s nothing to defend

I know it’s not for ever
This parting of the ways
We’ll play again together
Just much, much shorter stays

You’ll come again from time to time
I’ll never quite be free
I wouldn’t want to lose you though
You are a part of me

I know where I can find you
I see you in my brow
Sleep well my loyal servant
And say good-bye for now

Thanks for the inspiration Christian!

Week #6

2008-05-18T12:55:00.017-05:00

I remember telling Julie from the Bloomington studio how I hung on every word she wrote while at teacher training (Fall 2006) and how I would check several times per week just to see if she had posted something new. For me, it was so exciting when she did, but I could not figure out for the life of me why she just didn’t upload smaller bits more often as it seemed easier to me for her to do it that way and at the same time it would have fulfilled my ever growing need for information regarding the training. Well Jules, it’s all crystallized right here in front of me now. I clearly understand why you did what you did! Thanks for caring enough to take the time back then and I can’t wait to give you a hug when I get back! Does it really seem like that long ago?

I’m attempting not to look ahead but I must tell you that I’ve actually started to figure out how many “working days” we have left. We have 14 left by my count, not including Saturdays because what the hell, that would mean adding on 2 extra days. They are like half days because there is only 1 class that day and then nothing else. We can find a way to justify anything in our own minds, can’t we? After careful consideration, I’m ok with this one!

Lisa Ingle rocked #54. There are many instructors visiting here and they all do a tremendous job, but only a handful get to teach. I believe everyone wants to though as it seems like quite an honor to teach in this setting. All of this, of course, is at Bikram’s discretion and all of them teach an excellent class. Some stick out more than others though. Lisa taught a fun, fast paced class that started the week off in grand fashion, Texas style! She told several quick, funny stories and introduced us to both the Texas sit up (yelling out yeha while performing the sit up) as well as the New Jersey sit up (yelling out fuck you while performing the sit up). Apparently there has been some good-natured banter between Lisa and Craig in the past over this and it was a great twist to start the week. Quite entertaining yet oddly enough I have yet to find either versions of this sit up in the dialogue we were given!

Rajashree returned 5/12 for class #55. As usual she was shiny, sparkling, glowing and all the while she kicked our butts. Her ability to do this, as well as to see the entire room to correct people is simply amazing. If you ever have an opportunity to take a class from her or attend one of her seminars, please make sure you do. You will get a glimpse of what real yoga is all about!

Classes #54 through #60 were great. I remember this yoga now. It’s the yoga that made me happy. It’s the yoga that started to and continues to fix my body. It’s the yoga that made me pull the plug on everything in my life to attend this training. It’s the yoga I can’t stop talking about and want to share with others. I hope this is not some type of cruel joke devised by the staff as part of week 6’s festivities! I’m not sure weather to be encouraged by this phenomenon or to be paranoid at this point. I’ve been told to be encouraged, but…

Juan rocked class #58. He is loud, rapid fire and I found him very funny. I enjoyed his class as well as his sense of humor quite a bit. He’s a very small guy and everyone should ask his or her studio owners about Juan’s story. I would tell a bit about it here but I’m not sure I actually know the truth. Apparently, he went to Bikram’s studio some time ago for teacher training and never left. He actually lives at the studio under Rajashree’s desk, or so I’ve been told. I’m not sure how long ago this was or if in fact it is true. We were not introduced to him as we were all of the other visiting teachers nor did we have an opportunity to thank him for his instruction. If I don't get the opportunity while he's here, I want to say thanks Juan for the energetic, entertaining and most productive class!

Bikram & Rajashree left Thursday the 15th for Bisnu’s final arrangements in Calcutta. Apparently they have what turns out to be a two-day flight stopping at several cities en route to India. Bikram is supposed to return next Wednesday and Rajashree is scheduled to return for graduation. We will see what happens.

I was a bit disappointed today when I realized that many of the things Rajashree pointed out in her lectures that beginners would do improperly with regards to posture are many of the same issues I struggle with during my practice on a daily basis. I know that perfect posture is not the point and I’m well aware of how far I have come, but something saddens me when I look at others that express beautiful postures and yet don’t even seem to be trying very hard while I seem to have to give every ounce of strength I have to express what seems to amount to a beginner’s version of the posture. Remember in the movie “Rudy” when coach says he wished he could put Rudy’s heart into some of his player’s bodies? Sometimes when you are struggling, that’s little consolation. You shake it off though and remember everything is exactly how it’s supposed to be, including me. My lower body will one day cooperate and I will have tremendous stories to tell. Until then we fight the good fight with our happy smiling faces!

I really would like to be able to talk to some of the teachers here for recertification this weekend and get some honest feedback regarding the conditions here. Without offending anyone, I’ve noticed a number of them struggling in class and have seen this pattern happen several times when new teachers arrive. I take two things from this. One is that we have gotten better as time has gone on even if we don’t quite realize it yet and two is that the conditions here are extreme and if one is not used to them they can be overwhelming even for the experienced yogi.

For one of the few times in my life people are not insisting that I use my “inside voice”. I love it! People in this environment actually wish they could use their voice to empower others, as that is the essence of what we are here to start developing. Some can, but just don’t know it yet and others are struggling to find their power source inside. My “instrument” is perfect for speaking to a room full of people and I’m glad I was given this gift. I now must continue to develop my other tools so I have the complete package to offer others!

I remember when I tested for Shodan (1st degree black belt) in Santa Barbara, CA. back in 1989, which by the way seems like a lifetime ago now, one of the requirements was to fight full contact with 2 of my senior instructors while having my back against a wall, no holds barred. My guess is that everyone can intimate approximately how that story ends and without going into all of the gory details let’s jump ahead in the time machine to Friday, May 16th 2008. Now, let’s pretend for a moment that class #63 represents the wall I had my back against and Bikram yoga & Craig Villani represent those two senior black belt instructors. I’m willing to bet you already know where this is going, yes?

I started class off well, doing the full first set of Awkward Pose and falling out with only 4 seconds left in the second set. I started to falter at Triangle and when we went to the floor my world started to spin, but as I insisted earlier I would do, I refused to quit. From years in the auto industry I know that people generally are aware of little warning signs going on with their vehicles that, if addressed at the time they are noticed usually are relatively minor repairs. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, people let them go until something dramatic happens and the resulting issue is far more serious as well as expensive to repair. I say this because it was at this time in the class that I started to feel what I would describe as a noticeable vibration coming from one of the wheels in the front of “my vehicle” which got worse as class went on. By the time we approached Camel I would say it went from noticeable to violent as I stayed in Savasana for the second parts of several of the spine strengthening series postures with the mindset that I must perform both sets of Camel in order for me not to have given into the desire to quit and thus feel defeated. Little did I know that Mr. Villani had a one-minute, second set Camel in mind for Friday evening’s class. He actually didn’t say it was a one-minute Camel until after it was over and honestly, had he announced that those were his intentions prior to the posture, he may very well have broken me right there. Staying with the car analogy, how I would describe what happened next is that my front left wheel fell off my vehicle!

Remember I mentioned earlier that I was hoping for 2 more “experiences” exactly like the “He Man” release from week 3? Well, be careful what you wish for brothers and sisters because this emotional release topped that one hands down! I wish I had a little check list that as these “issues” were released I could mark them off the list and know what was next, big issue or small issue. It’s too bad it doesn’t work that way. It would make the process much tidier. I’m still not sure I’ve completely recovered as I spent the rest of the night and well into today (Saturday) quite disoriented and somewhat confused. I distinctly remember through the fog thinking at some point after class that I needed to somehow destroy the towel I was on because it now had a lot of bad “Ju Ju” on it and with all of the toxic sweat, tears and emotional “upheaval” pouring out onto it, I didn’t want another yogi/yogini using it for fear that the bad Ju Ju would mysteriously transfer somehow to them! Of course, as if the staff knew my personal plight, they played Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” at the conclusion of class. I stayed in the room for about 20 minutes after everyone else then I stayed outside on the grass for about 45 minutes in an attempt to recover before I drug myself up to the room for a shower and some electrolytes.

As if that weren’t enough, we had posture clinic that night and we were working on Full Locust. For anyone not familiar with the posture, imagine lying on your stomach, feet and legs together, arms out to your sides, palms down like an airplane. Then, on command, raising both your upper body as well as your lower body off the ground balancing only on your hip bones. I struggle with these postures due to a weak low back, giant thighs and upper body as well as a spine that at times feels as if it were constructed with rebar. Now, here I am, disoriented from class 2 hours earlier and as it ends up I have to perform about 7 of these postures in a row with one of those being held for 1 full minute. One of my study buddies, Mary Jane, was one of the people they made repeat the dialogue several times and she was the one who had to do the one-minute dialogue. I could tell by the look in her eyes during breakfast today that she felt like she personally was the cause of my discomfort and that perhaps I was upset with her. Nothing could be further from the truth and I’ll have to make sure I talk to her about it. I could have done without the extra Full Locusts but everything happens the way it is supposed to happen, including this. Stay cool Mary Jane, we have more dialogue to get through girl!

With that in mind, I again encourage everyone who practices this yoga to go to the very edge as often as possible, stay there until it feels as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Most people spend their entire lives running from that place because it can be very dark and quite frightening, but that’s where the magic can be found! Unfortunately, it’s also where “the beast” lives and while I wish I could help in this regard, there are struggles there that only you can endure. I will share this with you from my personal struggles both here and in the past; the beast is a coward and always gives in because he knows where his power comes from. He doesn’t give in just because you knock on his door though. Stand there and look him in the eyes and realize that it was you that gave him this power he now uses over you. It was you that built him up to his current size and strength, but it is also you that knows the exact way to defeat him and that’s with courage, fearlessness and this regular yoga practice. Have the courage to confront the beast and the fearlessness not to quit, ever, under any circumstances. You’ll feel like a different human being afterwards, I guarantee it. I know I do and it’s mainly because you will be a different human being! Remember, if we could do this task of fixing ourselves by ourselves, we wouldn’t need the yoga…

I have been talking about taking a Sunday class since I arrived here and was going to do it today but was afraid teacher recertification would result in some sort of insanely brutal class that frankly I did not have in me, not on my day off. I did however want to prepay for a class t-shirt and they were meeting at the yoga room today for one final time. I went over there and ran into Tatiana who is in my dialogue group. I asked her what she was doing there and she said she was there for the opportunity to do yoga, not a make up class. I told her I had been considering it and she said I should just do it. My exact thoughts were if you can’t face the little challenges, how on earth will you ever face the larger ones? I ran back up to my room, got dressed and returned to participate in what was one of the better classes I've had since I have been here. Thanks Tatiana for the gentle bump. I know you have used your super hero powers of beauty and charm on many a man. Your beauty draws one in, your smile sparkles and your voice encourages, calms & soothes. You’re going to make an excellent teacher because you have the ability to inspire. Let the word go forth from this time and place: I now consider you a little sister. You fool with DePillo, you fool with DiNuzzo!

Speaking of little sisters ~ Happy Birthday Tina!

Half way home

2008-05-10T22:04:00.008-05:00

There was talk today (Friday afternoon) about the difficulty factor associated with this training and I stated that I was personally glad the difficulty level was as high as it was. I wanted it to be hard. Extremely hard in fact, so that when it was all over, I can tell stories about struggle, perseverance and overcoming (mostly to students who think they have hit the wall and can’t continue). I also like the fact that 300 other people, my new friends, who attended this training along with me know that the stories, struggles and perseverance are not some braggadocios figment of my imagination. They know because they have shared in the tears, the doubt and the pain. They also will know the triumph of accomplishment that goes along with the successful completion of this course. I’m afraid that I would have very little respect for the lineage, the certificate of completion as well as for all of those that went before me if it were any other way and while we struggle with many aspects of this training on a daily and even hourly basis, I want to say that to a person, everyone feels the same way, at least I would like to think so. To me, it’s like I’m being asked to prove that I am worthy to carry on the work of spreading Bikram yoga in an effort to help people eradicate some of the pain and suffering in their lives. I’ve never really been one who longs for the approval of “the group” but this seems like something worth putting tremendous effort into. For as long as I can remember I’ve had to prove everything to myself (whatever the topic was). Here’s what you’ll find if you muster up the courage to test what “they” say. “They” say, don’t touch that or you’ll get shocked and what that really means once tested is 30% of the time there is no shock at all, 30% of the time there is somewhat of a shock, but nothing to fret about and 30% of the time your ass flat gets shocked! We have some high voltage running through this deal and it makes me feel alive to be participating in it and to prove to myself that it is worth every drop of expended energy I have utilized so far and then some! Push me to the breaking point and let’s see how I respond. I know this for certain, from now on when I run into another who has completed this training (or participated here along with me) there will be a certain understanding that we share that goes far beyond what words can describe and frankly it may be one of the things I look forward to the most.

Here’s a story for you. A fellow named Mark from Las Vegas was a bystander when a fight broke out and the participants crashed into his leg, injuring his knee rather severely. I know for sure he dislocated his patella as well as some possible ligament damage and perhaps a broken bone. This happened 3 weeks prior to teacher training and when he notified headquarters they told him he should still attend if he wanted. Bikram, being intimate with knee injuries (for those that don’t know Bikram himself severely damaged his own knee weight lifting as a younger man and rehabilitated it by performing yoga) focused right in on Mark during several postures that required a bit of knee flexibility. I actually had a chance to talk to Mark during the first week or two and saw that his knee was noticeably swollen. In a scene out of some sort of televangelist church healing, Bikram insists that Mark could go back into a difficult posture on the knees called fixed firm. With Bikram’s “strong encouragement”, Mark did and Bikram throws away Mark’s knee brace saying he no longer needed it. I talked to Mark afterwards and he said he was icing his knee and it was still fairly sensitive. Several classes later, Bikram actually stands on Mark’s knee while he is in that same posture. It was absolutely incredible. I wish I had a camera to document the incident with before and after pictures although the longer you are around this yoga the more incidents like this you witness. You’re a stud Mark and inspire me to get my stiff kneed, tight-hipped self back in fixed firm every time I perform it now.

Someone finally mentioned my nervous habit of constant movement. Courtney called me rain man yesterday as I sat there rocking in the lecture hall chair buffing my nails. That sounds a wee bit weird, doesn’t it? Just because you’re away from home doesn’t mean you can neglect personal hygiene! Anyway, I had actually almost stopped that behavior, or at least slowed it down quite a bit and don’t know if it has started again because of the pressures placed upon me here or if I am regressing towards some sort of complete elimination of the habit. We will see, as only time will tell. I have been a constant ball of energy and have rocked back and forth for as long as I can remember, even as a child. I distinctly remember telling high school teachers when threatened with punishment for this behavior that my mother couldn’t get me to stop, what sort of chance did they think they had? By the end of the semester there were always several others exhibiting the exact same behavior, which got me in even more trouble!

100 classes seems out of reach in my mind at this point, although Melissa read the blog and courageously offered to perform the classes with me. After she calculated that we would have to perform a double on one Saturday, as well as do a class on every remaining Sunday the desire to reach that goal evaporated like water on the sidewalk during a hot summer’s day. 95 classes will have to suffice! Thanks Melissa for the offer…

Week 5 was tough in many ways. Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest through the trees. I’m not sure who said it, but someone here said that Hatha yoga is confrontational in its nature; you confront yourself. That statement is so true and at times you can lose perspective. The emotional releases continue to turn on and off and can at times be not only overwhelming but quite confusing as well. I said I would like a couple more of them before I left and someone has seen to it that the hits just keep on coming! That being said, I received some words from home via email that said keep on wretchin’ and stretchin’, rockin' and lockin’. I loved it and it made me smile at exactly the right time. Thanks for the encouragement as well as the kind thoughts & words!

The subject is sleep deprivation and I have always been a stay up late kind of guy, as was my father. Generally speaking however there was a little bit of sleeping later the following morning that went along with it. Not here. The morning class starts at 8:30 sharp, no exceptions (that is except for the Saturday class which starts at 8:00 sharp). Bikram is know for lecturing late into the night on a variety of subjects and apparently not only is he going to do that, but he has also added a new twist, movie marathons. The DVD is a 94-hour compilation of something called the Mahabharata and if I understand correctly it is a mythological depiction of the creation of the earth, human beings and India that apparently is well known and taught in India from childhood. The first installation on Thursday evening went on until approximately 2:30 am and Friday’s installation went on until 4:08 am. Bikram almost seemed gleeful as people staggered out of the lecture hall towards their rooms for a quick nap prior to class. I had a surprisingly good class on Saturday with only about 2.5 hours of sleep but feel like I’m in another dimension right now! It sort of reminded me of Sabat sensei’s Japanese movie marathons during my martial arts training days (poor quality, bad acting, subtitles and all) but without all of the sake!

I really like the fact that no one gets paid to be here. No offense to anyone who thinks it should be otherwise of course as I have no say in the matter, but visiting teachers don’t have a horse in this race. Actually, we are the horse they have in the race and while some teachers seem to be somewhat negative in posture clinic and exhibit an air of superiority and condescension, most are truly helpful and positive in their reviews as well as kind with their criticisms. At least that’s been my experience. Incidentally, apparently far more people here have been reading this blog than I expected, teachers included! I’ve been approached by several people this week and told they have been following along. I guess I never thought of that when I initially decided to do this, I just wanted to relay some information to the people back home. A bit of a slow learner, I guess that’s where the whole “World Wide” part comes in regarding the name World Wide Web! I’ll have to remember that for next time and of course I hope I have not offended anyone with any of the observations I have documented so far.

Since that is the case, someone explain the whole “ours was worse than yours” thing to me. I don’t want to upset anyone or make any enemies, but it is my understanding that everyone does two classes a day in addition to posture clinics to learn as well as deliver the dialogue, correct? Everyone had to attend all lectures given also, correct? Any omissions on the sign in sheet were punishable by make up classes, correct? Now, while I would not want to sit on the floor of the headquarters’ studio after class for posture clinic or lecture, I also wasn’t real thrilled to have diarrhea for 3 weeks while my intestinal track became familiar with the many different microbes it was being exposed and introduced to in this wonderful vacation paradise. I’m not sure if the Mexican people coined the phrase Montezuma’s revenge or not, but I have a feeling that it was someone just like me who couldn’t quite figure out what the hell was happening to their body after a short stay here. Combine that pleasant overall experience with the imbalance now created in your system with regards to electrolytes and fluid retention and you have a wonderful physical treat awaiting you during and/or after class.

I know we have maid service, our own bathrooms and only 1 roommate but a rental car in California, LA restaurants, Universal Studios or maybe a Dodger or Laker playoff game has got to be worth something when it comes to creature comforts, not to mention the relatively low humidity in southern California’s desert climate. Speaking of rental cars, you should see how the Mexican people drive! You thought LA was bad, at least the road signs are in English! Apparently a red light is simply a suggestion (or the beginning of some sort of race to the intersection, I’m not quite sure) and horns are constantly sounding as vehicles speed towards the intersections completely ignoring the “2 lane system” as we know it.

I know, I know, the bloody shuttle van and the parking lot for lunch. Counter balance that with calling cards that don’t work properly, email issues here at the hotel, cell phone issues, exchanging money and the fact that it costs $800 bones a piece and a stop or two (plus hotel charges here at the beautiful Fairmont Princess) to get a friend and/or family member here instead of Northwest’s nonstop, $296, 7 day in advance flight and a stay at a Comfort Inn. Ah! Don’t forget the language barrier for those of you not up on your Espanol. You should have seen me attempting to return a 16-piece set of silverware I accidentally purchased because I could not read the label the first time. All five of the people gathered around me were looking at me as if to say, stupid gringo. The manager kept counting out the pieces and intimating that the count was correct, there were 16 pieces there, what did I want, all the while I was trying to say I just wanted 1 spoon, 1 fork and 1 knife thank you very much! I still haven’t figured out what type of meat I have been buying. All I am certain of is it’s not the chicken skins hanging in the meat department where all of the “fresh” meat has an odd, bright red color to it and sometimes you can actually find the seafood lying on the floor and watch as an employee picks it up and puts it back on the ice with the others on display. Apparently there’s a completely different sets of government regulation in play here!

And let’s not forget the buffet food. Actually, the buffet food is great and I can’t tell you how tasty the fresh orange, grapefruit and papaya juice is, especially right after class. I have been attempting to bribe someone to get a juice dispenser in my room. Freshly made omelets at your request every morning from the man who will make whatever style egg you want! All this happens after swimming in a saltwater pool to cool down a bit after class. Forget the Epsom salt baths, baby! Freshly sliced fruits sit in giant bowls just waiting for you to shovel it on to your plate. Chicken, fish, vegetables, greens, pastries, guacamole, ripe avocados, soups and even oatmeal, bagels and salmon all for the taking, and guess what, you don’t have to wash a single plate! How cool is that! Sign your room number and you’re off to the next segment of your training!

East coast, west coast yo! Can’t we all just get along? It’s been a while since I’ve watched Saturday night live but I remember Dana Carvey’s depiction of “The Grumpy Old Man”. If you don’t remember Wikipedia says, he was an embittered archetypical grandfather figure with white hair, glasses, and a sour sneer. He would usually appear as a commentator complaining about the state of the world, mainly in regard to the many modern conveniences. His complaints always included differences between today and "his day" (In my day, we didn't have safety standards for toys. We got rusty nails and big bags of broken glass for Christmas! That's the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it!"). I’m just having some fun here in a sleep deprived sort of way, but the training is the training and while there are many differences I think that the experiences are very similar and in the end I can’t believe for a moment that the brain trust has not made “adjustments” based on the different environments in which the training takes place. Everyone seems to focus on the Acapulco factor. Believe me when I tell you that I have not been on vacation for the past 5 weeks! Did I mention that the buffet was open for something like 5 hours every day?

He's back

2008-05-10T19:13:00.003-05:00

Bikram returned for Tuesday’s evening class (#46). He was up to his old antics, yet at the same time I got the feeling that he was telling us he wanted to see us do better. We are at the half way point and he wants us to continue to improve, as do I. Bikram actually participated in class with us that evening and said the best thing for the extreme sadness he was feeling after loosing his childhood friend Bisnu was to get back here and to perform yoga with us.

He actually interrupted the class numerous times for a variety of reasons and I have to say that the teacher (Michael from Bend, Oregon) did a fabulous job of maintaining the continuity of the class. He did a masterful job of balancing both the feedback and energy Bikram was providing and yet at the same time not allowing that same energy to overwhelm his efforts to guide us through the 90 minutes. I took the time to tell him afterwards what a great job I thought he did and the class has come to be called the “Fuck You” class as Bikram told Michael at some point during the class that his presentation was far to nice and he needed to toughen it up, to which Michael replied by starting to curse at us in a quite humorous fashion. It really was a brilliant interaction that made everyone feel better with the unease over how to address Bikram’s recent loss. Nicely done Michael!

That evening, Bikram treated us to some film footage of him and his friends performing feats over the last number of years. It was really fascinating to watch and everyone enjoyed it quite a bit. It covered everything from US and Japanese television show performances to events held and filmed at different locations. They filmed a variety of performances ranging from elephants walking on top of yogis to Bisnu driving a motorcycle over Bikram while lying on a bed of nails. Bisnu was also shown performing feats of strength like snapping a metal chain over his shoulder. Quite impressive overall and it reminded me of many a martial arts demonstration I have both seen and participated in. This footage reminded me of material I have seen of Shaolin Monks performing feats of strength and agility to show what could be achieve with the development of focus and concentration. I guess, in all honesty, I did not realize that yogi demonstrations were like this and viewing this footage has changed my impression of yoga once again. I don’t know if I have already written this or not, but one of the first things I resisted about participating in yoga was I thought it was for women and men who could not make it in the gym. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Wednesday evening we were treated to a beginning and advanced demonstration of Bikram yoga by a group of longtime practitioners that included national champions as well as many that placed in national competitions. I can’t tell you just how exciting and inspirational it was to watch. Beauty, grace, strength and agility were all on display and it was everything physically one as a yogi aspires to. There certainly is far more to yoga that performing asana (the postures) in a perfectly prescribed fashion, and someone like myself may never realize that level of expertise, but it was magnificent to behold. Several Mexican television stations were present filming in the lobby of the hotel, which is unbelievably beautiful with its marble floors, mood lighting and open spaciousness. Hundreds of people filled every nook and cranny as Bikram started to give his introduction. Flip the switch brother and stand back, it’s Bikram time! Like he has done too many times to count over his lifetime, he guided the uninitiated through the story that is Bikram/Hatha yoga, as only he can do. I know there is a perception that, at times, there is a lot of Bikram worship that goes on and that turns some people off, but just like watching a legendary cellist or a world renowned tenor perform, you must respect both the passion he exhibits, as well as the technical expertise he has cultivated over a 50 year period for performing as well as spreading the practice of yoga around the world. It was simply incredible to watch the way he captivates an audience. You see this during his classes, as he is always the performer, but turn a camera on and watch out! He then brought out about a dozen participants who performed on command as Bikram quickly explained the health benefits of each posture performed. They almost did the entire beginning series prior to moving on to a demonstration of a number of advanced postures. I made it a point to address many of the participants and thank them for sharing in the fashion that they had. What was really nice was that you could tell that they appreciated the sentiment and to watch their eyes light up as we talked was a little extra bonus. You could feel both the passion for their yoga as well as the heartfelt gratitude for saying thank you. Overall, it was a night I’ll remember forever.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom…

Delayed return

2008-05-05T12:44:00.005-05:00

Monday started out in grand fashion as I actually felt pretty good taking into consideration that we did not participate in a class yesterday and several of my body parts are a bit creaky and stiff! Again the thought crosses my mind that I should be taking the Sunday class and this week I intend on doing my best to motivate myself to do just that. We’ll see how that works out later in the week.

There seemed to be a buzz in the air in anticipation of Bikram’s return sometime today, if the rumors were correct. Would Bikram be teaching the evening class, would he lecture tonight or would we have posture clinics and what would he think about the condition of the group as a whole since he had not seen us in a couple of weeks? One never knows what is next and I gave up some time ago trying to anticipate what was around the corner. ”Stop attempting to steer the boat and just enjoy the ride” is what someone had already suggested. While that is sound advise, it’s easier said than done.

Class was strong and went at a great pace. Just before final savasana (the last posture of class), Craig came up to the podium and announced that a death had occurred in Bishnu Gosh’s family (Bikram’s guru) several hours earlier. Bikram had called and relayed the information that Biswanath Ghosh (Bisu), son of the late Bishnu Charan Ghosh, who was apparently instrumental in Bikram’s early training and development, as well as a close friend, had passed away. At Bikram’s request the announcement was made prior to final savasana and we were not to have class or lectures for the remainder of the day. Everyone was sort of stunned and I can’t tell you how glad I was that some psycho didn’t start to applaud because he/she was relieved that they did not have to participate in a second class this day. We all stayed a bit longer in savasana and attempted to send Bikram, Rajashee and the family members of this gentleman our sincerest condolences and best wishes.

There’s a rather odd dichotomy at work here. On one hand your body rejoices at the opportunity to heal, both with nutrition as well as rest, and yet at the same time it’s like being announced the winner in some sporting event against your rival via default because he was injured and unable to perform. No true competitor wants to win like that. I myself would much rather see Bikram here, tonight, teaching our class and jumping around on his platform as he urges us on. He’s quite the showman and no one teaches a class like he does! I’ll take every one I can get from him during these 9 weeks regardless of how tough they are or what he asks us to do. I picture him in my minds eye treating us to demonstrations like standing on his two big toes prior to Awkward or regaling us with stories about his past feats. What does this do to Bikram’s return? Will he be flying around the world to attend whatever final arrangements the family has planned and will that delay his return here to Acapulco? No one knows or at least that information was not immediately shared with us. We have been spoiled up to this point with the amount of time we have had to interact with him. I believe I wrote earlier that Bikram himself reminded us he normally does not spend this much time with the teacher trainees and certainly had not taught as many classes in the opening weeks before. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that we all hope his return is not to far off in the future. We miss him greatly!

Happy birthday Judy...

Recovery Sunday

2008-05-04T22:29:00.006-05:00

Sunday morning is here and I am feeling much better as the new day's sunshine brightens my room. I’m still a bit on the stiff side but in much better spirits. I had a great breakfast, very relaxed without any time constraints and lots of laughing. People are starting to loosen up a bit and feel more comfortable with each other. We all have exposed just a wee bit of our underbellies and have come to realize that we are all in the same boat, experiencing many of the same struggles and going through many of the same healing processes. While the “nuts and bolts” of the process can really be overwhelming, there is a certain feeling of compassion and empathy you feel when, say for example you see someone sobbing uncontrollably in a corner after class. You know because you have done it and you also understand that while there definitely is a reason, right now it’s just not apparent to you. You are just releasing stored up emotions, perhaps from last month on the job, perhaps from last year with the family or from that time in high school when that person did that thing to you. I believe I described it earlier as an emotional roller coaster the likes of which I’ve never ridden before and that’s exactly what it is.

I was just talking about how, while the training is testing us in every way imaginable, I would not want it any other way. It’s not some weekend retreat where you pay the money and then get a certificate after 8 hours of training. No sir, we are pushing ourselves, with the help of the staff, to places we never thought we could go. A perfect example is last week (or maybe it was week 3, I honestly can’t remember) I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and took a knee about half way through class in the hopes that the throbbing in my head would at least diminish a bit and out of the corner of my right eye I see the knee of a staff member who suddenly and silently just positioned himself beside me and began to perform the posture. He never said a word to me but through the haze I knew that this was one of those little mental barriers that needed to be broken through and not one of the more serious physical issues (the likes of which I had been dealing with before) and so I got back up and performed the rest of the posture. As suddenly and as silently as he appeared, he disappeared and I continued on with the rest of the class. I say this not to point out how strong I am mentally, or what sort of super yogi I am, but because as I was thinking about this incident this weekend, I realized that it was simply fear holding me back. I had become paralyzed with the fear of pushing forward and perhaps getting physically ill again after the previous two cramping incidents and of course that never materialized. It was all in my head. What could we accomplish without fear in our lives? What heights could we reach? Thanks Luke for the gentle bump. I’ll tell you this much, I don’t envy the staff for having to make these types of determinations. I am pleased however that they are here to gently guide and push us forward so that at the end of this training we will be able to look back and honestly say that individually, we accomplished everything we possibly could within this nine-week period. I realize that I would not be able to make the same type of progress without them, as sometimes all you need is that little bump in order to break another barrier. I also realize that not everyone here may feel the same way about the staff’s “encouragement”. It’s all a matter of perspective and what you're going through at the time.

Skin irritations are beginning to pop up on my stomach. Most likely because of the detergent used here at the hotel on the towels that they provide, but who knows. They look like little measles and can at times get itchy. Julie from BYoB had mentioned that it was commonplace during her training in LA in 2006 and I was hoping to avoid another arrow (like posture clinics on the wet carpet of the yoga room itself) but apparently you can’t have everything. We have had it pretty good here for the first half of training and I look forward to what the second half has to offer. Please don’t misconstrue my words as you read. I attempt to write when I can and often times it’s in the throws of a “Bikram hang over” and while it may seem as if we are participating in some sort of medieval inquisition, I can assure you that there is nowhere else I would rather be than here, participating in this training. The boys at the BMW dealership can attest to that! As I type this I look out my balcony door and observe the waves crashing on the beach. The thunderous sound they make relays the power of the ocean and the beauty of Mother Nature herself. The temperature has not gone below 85 during the day and generally there is not a cloud in the sky. Life is good!

Someone was discussing over breakfast that 2 of her goals from the start were not to have to do any make up classes and not to have to go to the hospital and have anything put into her or taken out of her. Bravo! Those were two of my goals as well and that was one of the things that freaked me out the most about the cramping. I kept thinking that they were going to make me go and get an I.V. for dehydration and I just did not want that to happen. I guess had I been vomiting there would have been no questions asked, I would have just been taken for an I.V., but since I settled down after some electrolytes and rehydration on my own it was not deemed necessary. Incidentally, the cramping seems to have settled down and with any luck it will not be an issue for the remainder of my training here. I purchased extra electrolytes to have on hand should I start to get depleted again and probably will start drinking some midweek even if I feel pretty good just to stay on top of it.

Cinco de mayo has caused the hotel to swell again this weekend with guests. Apparently it’s not as big a holiday here in Mexico, but Acapulco is a favorite holiday destination for the Mexican people, as well as those from around the world and the extra day off makes for a long holiday weekend that people like to take advantage of. It’s not quite as wild as the banker’s convention I wrote about several weeks ago as there is no live music just outside our balcony door every night! Those bankers were a fairly wild bunch!

Rock bottom

2008-05-03T13:57:00.014-05:00

As I wake up here on Saturday, May 2nd, my body seems to be telling me that I just slept in someone’s mailbox. Week 4 was one of the toughest so far. We were given Friday night off and I slept for about 9.5 hours, although the way I feel right now that surely cannot be correct! Prior to class last night we were asked if we would prefer a lecture, to which I raised my hand. A lecture over more posture clinic sounded like a good deal to me as apparently it did to many others who also had their hands up. Then we were asked who wanted more posture clinic and several people actually raised their hands. I sort of understood that as I myself would not have minded too much if we actually pounded another one out. That would make one less to worry about next week. Then we were asked who wanted the night off and I just stood there with a stupefied look on my face. In the states sometimes the authorities will offer free 60 inch plasma televisions and super bowl tickets to criminals on the lamb in order to capture them and for some reason, way back in the recesses of my mind, I thought it had to be some sort of trick to ferret out the slackers amongst us! I simply could not raise my hand and stood there thinking I voted for the lecture, I’m sticking with it. I’m not a slacker, I’m not a slacker, I’m not a slacker! Anyway, we were given the night off and catching up on some sleep felt great, except for the whole mailbox thing!

The week started off great, I felt good physically; I had some strong classes and good posture clinics. I passed my anatomy test with flying colors (96). Then came class #38 which literally kicked my ass. I mentioned to someone that the difficult classes sort of sneak up on you and the next thing you know your ears are ringing, the earth seems to be spinning in the wrong direction and you find yourself lying on your mat wondering when it will all come to an end. Perhaps under different circumstances they would be further apart but because we are participating in so many classes over a weeks period, small issues like your electrolyte intake make a huge difference. If you get behind just a bit, your world can start spinning! I have now figured out a process to get myself back together in a couple of hours when this happens (which seems like once a week, late in the week) but the pace has been so fast during week four that every minute counts in order to prepare for the next event. A couple of hours can really set you back, not to mention the feelings of disorientation!

Everyone’s so willing to assist in times of trouble. These are the types of people I wish to surround myself with in the future. Happy people who are struggling to improve their lives with resolve and joy. Life will always have struggle, but it’s how you respond to the struggle that matters. On that note, I would like to say hello to Katie in Lake Helen, Fl. I told Melissa I would let you know that she is doing just fine. I practiced next to her on several occasions this week and she told me you were reading the blog. She is so strong, inside and out. She glows with strength that at this very moment even she may not realize she is revealing. Don’t get me wrong, there are a variety of struggles she is enduring and I know she can’t wait to talk to you about them, but we as participants do not fully understand the totality of what is occurring here. It will take weeks and months, perhaps even years until everything is revealed to us. You should be very proud of her for following through on her commitment here and while everyone here is viewing this training through a different prism, she most certainly will not be the same person when she gets back. None of us will be! Some stuff will be resolved and other things will just be coming to the surface and that’s a good thing because here, people who truly care about the direction we all are headed surround us. I hope all of the women here who show such incredible inner strength have a support structure back home so they can continue to flourish, grow and teach others what it takes to break free from some of the bondage we saddle ourselves with throughout our lives. My hope is that not a single, beautiful genie gets put back in the bottle!

I’ve taken to crying after Camel pose during class. I have always heard the lines that you may laugh, you may cry etc, etc, but like aftershocks from the earthquakes we recently experienced, little he-man flakes are still falling off and I truly hope it continues. It was like a giant weight on my chest and I could feel it sticking in my throat during the posture. I just wanted it to come roaring out, without getting anything on those practicing around me! I’m not sure exactly what happened, but it stopped after class #39, as did the tears. In all actuality, here’s what I think. It took me 3 years to get deep enough into my practice physically so that emotional issues could begin to release. We hold these “issues” in our bodies and when we allow the yoga to go deep enough, we begin to heal ourselves by allowing these things to be released. It’s sometimes frightening and I say this to you now with all sincerity; do 30 classes in 30 days. Try 60 in 60 and test Bikram’s own words, “Do 90 classes in 90 days and I will give you your life back”. Those are pretty powerful words and you have no idea what he is saying until you begin to peel away the layers that have built up over a lifetime. It’s different for everyone and just to set the record straight, anyone who has ever practiced next to me will agree when I say that I won’t be winning the national (or regional) championships anytime soon! My knees ache during fixed firm, I struggle to straighten my legs in standing separated leg stretching and I feel like one of those beach chairs that take forever to set up when preparing for final spine twisting, but here’s the deal, it just does not matter. Do the best you can while trying the right way and progress will come. However long it takes is exactly how long it is supposed to take. Push yourselves to discover new boundaries and when you think you are going to die in class remember what we were told today in class; if you die while practicing yoga you go straight to heaven. It made me laugh because that is exactly what I was thinking, that I was going to die! To all of my friends at the Bloomington studio, I salute you on your completion of half of your 30-day challenge. I thought about you often during this last month and hope that you were able to reveal “some truths” about yourselves during the process. I look forward to hearing all about your experience when I get back home.

With that in mind, lesson #52 dictates that you never judge the yogi/yogini on the mat beside you. I’ve been thinking about this with all of the stories from all of the different teacher’s visiting here as well as all of the different participants I have practiced next to. It’s human nature to compare but we must break free of the bondage that is judgment. You never know where someone has come from and exactly what he or she has already overcome! I hear all of the stories about the back surgeries, the arthritis, the erratic behavior, the knee and hip issues and so much more. Maybe being isolated like this is akin to “drinking the kool-aide” but the stories of individual triumph are amazing, refreshing and inspiring to hear. We need to remind ourselves of this every day.

I just wanted to take a moment and document something I learned the other day. I had mentioned earlier that I did not think Craig (chief instructor) could break me during his class and was looking forward to improving to the point where I could perform his notorious Awkward Pose through both sets without faltering (which I did during class #38 along with several others). I have always been built physically to go full out, as demonstrated with the two earlier cramping incidents. I’ll go until my body “locks up”, repair myself, then go again. There is an old saying in the sports world that “fatigue makes cowards of us all” and anyone who has ever been told this has a story about sucking it up and refocusing on the task at hand. Now, that being said, not only did he break me, he didn’t even have to say a word to do it! He patrols the posture clinics and just pops in from time to time to observe and offer feedback. Wednesday, he walked into my posture clinic and sat down to observe and I was in the on deck circle. Now, the posture clinics are cozy little gatherings where perhaps 35-40 people gather in a room devoid of chairs or any other furnishings and recite their posture dialogue in front of 2 or 3 evaluators. The tension can at times be palpable. The evaluators give feedback to each individual performing regarding your pace, voice, other speaking idiosyncrasies (nervous habits and the like) and of course the verbatim recitation of the dialogue. I was positioned directly in front of the door when he busted in like John Wayne charging through some western saloon doors. He knelt down and evaluated the gal who was in front of me. She knocked it out of the park (way to go Cheri) and he commented, got up and left. He wasn’t even in the room and I sounded like a drunken college frat boy when I delivered my dialogue and that, specifically is one of the many things we are learning here my friends. It’s not just about yoga asana (postures) but also about the mental aspect of yoga. Not allowing anyone to steal your peace and not creating illusions that hold us back. Realizing that the struggles we face in our day-to-day lives are many times just that, illusions which we create and then assign power to! Perhaps physically I can’t be broken, but if all it takes to throw me off my game is another human being’s presence, I have a ways to go. At least I realize it and will strive to improve and Craig may never know the impact that simply walking in to the room had, but it has started a new thought process that will have far reaching affects.

I get the feeling from the things that he says now when teaching class that he thinks we have improved (not that he doesn’t expect so much more, but we are not loser plebs anymore). It’s quite gratifying to hear that our efforts have pointed us in the right direction. Many people seem to be afraid of him but actually; I think under different circumstances, we could be friends. I like the principles he espouses and I can tell we have traveled some of the same roads in the martial arts. I kind of view him as a kindred spirit. I have some experience with the kohai/dohai relationship and hope to someday be able to talk to him in a different setting about his past as well as a number of other items in detail.

I had talked about participating in some extra classes so I would have performed 100 during my stay here. If my calculations were correct, I would need to perform 5 additional classes to equal 100 and that would mean I would have to start this Sunday as there are only 5 Sundays remaining. I don’t know if I have it in me to start this Sunday. We will see how I feel and perhaps I can talk to someone on the staff to see if my calculations are correct regarding the number of classes we will be taking here. I’m just worn out today and prefer not to think about it…

All shook up

2008-04-27T21:59:00.006-05:00

The participants are so helpful and caring here. I’m still struggling with names, but people you don’t even know are honestly pulling for you. They know exactly what you are experiencing and really, really want you to succeed. I can see where they say you make lifelong friends here. I stop and think that there were 3oo people in the world that decided to undertake this challenge and each and every day, regardless of the language you speak or your country of origin, these people are pulling for you. It’s funny, at one point in week 2 we had a voice coach speak and she had people come up on stage and talk. When I got up I said that I had decided to seek out struggling people so I could give them a kind word and a touch because a couple of people had done that for me and I could not believe the difference it made. Now, if an instance where I struggle arises (which seems to be getting further and further apart), it seems that from somewhere I’ll get a simple touch on the arm or leg from some direction that refocuses my efforts. It’s really cool that people responded in that fashion! I wonder if people are touching each other like that all over the yoga room? I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that after my last cramping episode, Patrice noticed how zapped I was at breakfast and gave me a little coin about the size of a quarter. It was a very sweet gesture as the coin had an angel on one side and the words “you’re never alone” on the other side. It seemed like I held it in my clinched fist for several hours after she had given it to me. She said several days later at dinner that I should feel free to pass it on and that is exactly what I intend on doing the next time I see someone experiencing what I was going through! Thanks Patrice!

Mary read my blog and said that the toilet in their room was not the way that I had described the one in our room. While studying dialogue I noticed she was indeed correct in her observation and we called guest services. The one in our room was fixed and now works great. I do not want to give Mexico a bad reputation when it comes to “the flush”. Speaking of the toilet, my stomach seems to have settled down quite a bit and while I don’t want to put the whammy on myself, I feel as if I may be over the hump in this regard.

We took Craig’s class again on Saturday morning and everyone sort of had a look of dread and fear on their faces as he entered the room to begin class. They were already anticipating his extra long rendition of awkward pose and his military like pace. I told Mary and Patrice last night at dinner that Craig can’t break me in this posture. I actually held his awkward for the entire time on the first set and fell out just prior to him saying change on the second. He seems to hold the second part of the pose the longest and as people fall out he then “strongly encourages” you to get back in the posture and keep your hands up. He’ll wait and wait and wait before he moves on. It seems like it takes forever and at some point before we leave here I would like to take the opportunity to ask him exactly what his thinking is behind the way he teaches this posture. In all honestly, awkward is the only pose I have ever felt like I could do half way decent even from the time I first stared to practice. My thighs are quite strong and I’m hoping to be able to hold this posture for him a number of times by the completion of our training here.

I’m going to try to get ahead here this weekend with postures and we still have the second half of our anatomy test to complete on Monday, so again anatomy and memorization are on the schedule for Sunday. I would like to have 3 more postures down and know the anatomy fairly well. Incidentally, I only missed 2 questions on the first half so I have a bit of a cushion here on the second part. I did however struggle this week during lectures so I have to study a bit harder. Memorizing the dialogue has been a bit tough and I want to emphasize to anyone who is looking into Bikram’s teacher training what a different experience you will have should you be well versed in the dialogue prior to your arrival. I’m still attempting to find the learning method I respond best to. I am quite fortunate that my “delivery” is something that I don’t have to worry too much about. It’s getting it into my head where I struggle. Everyone who has commented on my dialogue seems to think I have done just great, but when you are standing up there, seconds feel like hours and you are just certain you have missed huge chunks of the dialogue. They say it gets easier and again I am putting faith in the process and have decided to let it go and not get myself all work up. I feel like I’m in high school again and feel quite uncomfortable with the whole “learning process”.

I ate like a horse again this weekend both at dinner on Saturday evening as well as breakfast on Sunday morning. I drank a lot of fluids as well and hope that it works out better for me this week than it did on the second weekend heading into week 3! We shall see what the future holds but for now I actually feel pretty good. I slept very heavy last night (Saturday) and woke up somewhat in a daze with a bit of a sore body that was relieved a bit after a hot shower and a shave. I can’t tell you how good shaving feels after “letting yourself go” for several days. At home I shave in the shower and can’t wait to have the warm water soften my beard and then glide the blade over my skin to clean away the facial hair and leave my skin as soft as a babies bottom! It’s weird to describe shaving like that but it feels quite odd when your regular routine gets disturbed. Standing in front of a mirror and shaving after your shower is just not as good when it comes to getting a smooth, clean shave. Perhaps I’ll talk to our maid tomorrow. We had a chat with her last week and after we tipped her she brought us in some clothesline and pins from her house to hang our wet laundry on out on the balcony. It works great! Perhaps she has a mirror for my shower as well. For now, I’m just letting the gray grow and if I really feel I need a shave I use my electric!

I was informed at breakfast this morning that another defection has taken place. A girl just suddenly disappeared without word. She just packed her bags and left without talking to anyone. Someone who knew her but was not rooming with her was the first to discover what had happened. I can’t imagine many more people bolting as this starts the fourth week of our training here, but you never know what people are thinking. Everyone here has their own demons to grapple with and they can be extremely frightening and at the same time rather convincing. While I feel for her and hope everything works out for her, I simply cannot get to involved in the drama of another person’s experience. I have enough of my own to handle without overloading which it seems is always just one fragile moment away.

I was just talking to Robin on the phone here Sunday night (19:15) and we experienced for the second time during my stay here another earthquake. This felt as if it lasted much longer than the first one we experienced but seemed to me to be about the same in it’s intensity. I was also told that an early morning tremor hit Saturday around 3:00 am, which I did not feel. Here’s the official word:

MEXICO CITY (AP) -- A moderate earthquake has rattled Mexico, but no major injuries or damages have been reported. The U.S. Geological Center has given the quake a preliminary magnitude of 5.8. It was centered 96 miles (154 kilometers) north of Acapulco. Sunday's quake caused office buildings to sway and sent many frightened residents into the streets of the capital, Mexico City.

Michelangelo

2008-04-26T00:51:00.005-05:00

Well, here’s a rundown of the third week of teacher training 2008 as viewed through he eyes of attendee Frank DiNuzzo. It’s been a wild week and I’ve not had much time to post.

My outgoing email does not seem to be going out properly. I seem to be receiving everyone’s email correctly, but no one is getting responses from me. Please forgive the “glitch” and I will be attempting to resolve the issue this weekend with the hotel staff. Several people have been having the same issue and hopefully it’s easily corrected.

Class # 22 (Monday am) was a very good class for me. I had eaten over the weekend as well as rehydrated and felt great throughout the entire class.

I have decided to do a couple of classes on Sunday so I will have performed 100 total during my time here. People sort of look at me like I’ve lost my mind when I mention it but I think after a couple of more weeks I certainly will be strong enough physically to do it. Giving up the day off mentally is the challenge although I feel better the following day when I perform the yoga. Monday morning classes after the day of inactivity usually results in some stiffness…

No water for class #23. I brought water, but left it outside in the cubbyhole provided for us to store our items while we are participating in class. My mind started to panic at first: what if I need some, what will I do? How will I get it out there? What will the person next to me think if I just grab their water? Now there’s an amusing image, picture in your mind’s eye the person next to you suddenly leaping wild-eyed in your direction about two-thirds into class and grabbing your water bottle like some sort of ravenous squirrel who just found his first nut of the spring! Anyway, it was uneventful and I completed the class without water just as Craig challenged us to do. He actually did not make it a challenge, but he did mentioned it and I felt I was up to giving it a try on that particular day and after all, what was the worst that could happen?

Martha taught class #25 and it was great. She said at the start that she was very proud of Patrice and knew that Herb and Laiki were very proud of us as well. She gave us a nice intro referring to us as the Bloomington 3. I felt pretty rough afterwards as I had some stomach issues I was still dealing with and think I need to up my intake of water in order to compensate. Martha was also the evaluator in my second posture clinic and I was somewhat relieved to have someone I know evaluate me early in the process. I felt somewhat prepared and she gave me a kind review. I have since started to struggle with the dialogue but know that it will come eventually and the tough part is getting up in front of your peers and freezing or stumbling on the words as you give your directions for the posture…

Cramps struck again after class #27 and just like the first week, they were pretty bad. I had 2 people holding me down and Craig, the chief instructor, had his elbow in my right glute to help settle my leg down. More electrolytes and fluids were in store for me for the rest of the evening. Mary & Carla have become like sisters, especially in times like these and I feel Mary would knock someone down if they screwed with me when I was in this condition! I try to look out for them, but physically I seem to be the one who needs the attention and while I don’t want to intimate that they are having a walk in the park, neither of them has had to be carried from the room in a stupor like I have had to be on two separate occasions. The nurse (Leigh) saw me later that day and thinks I may be getting too much liquid. They made me drink a 2-liter “potion” of sea salt, limes, apple juice and water that evening and honestly, it made me feel like a different human being.

I would like to make the assistants the focus of my anger, distress, fear, and several other rather strong emotional releases, but have been unable to detect a single instance when they were not at the ready to render aid with a brilliant smile and a kind word. They just shine like some sort of giant beacon to distressed sailors. Someone actually used that analogy and said during class this week that calm water never made a good sailor and while that may be true, surely rough water has taken it’s share of victims!

Speaking of rough water taking victims, it has been called to my attention that 3 people have abandoned their goal of obtaining a certificate to teach Bikram yoga since the beginning of our training here. I’m sure they had their reasons and I’m also sure they were valid ones, but I sometimes think about the guy who gave his sister a kidney some time ago and the fellow who blew out his knee 2 weeks before training started or the gal with lupus or the ones (plural) with asthma or the one that brought her son here and gets up at 4:30 every morning to study dialogue so she can have some time with him in the evenings. They are all still here and pressing on and it’s inspirational to be a part of.

A chunk of he-man fell off of me today after class #31. When class was over the instructor, Sarah (who happens to be the same gal I mentioned earlier regarding having her leg removed from my grasp with the jaws of life during my first “cramping episode”) talked about teaching from the heart and teaching with love in order to heal others and that while we may have thought that we were “signing up” for something else, this is what we were actually preparing ourselves to do. They started playing the Beatle’s song “All you need is love” and with all due respect to everyone who has ever told me that they love me, as well as everyone I’ve ever told that I love, I don’t believe I have every really been emotionally affected by the word love until today. I stayed there, on my mat, after class and cried for about 30 minutes and find myself weeping again some 3 hours later as I type these words. Imagine a sculptor placing an exacting blow with his hammer and chisel to knock off exactly what needed to be removed from the marble at the exact time it needed to be removed. What is left from the block is the beauty that is the art. It was a profound experience that in and of itself was worth everything I’ve spent, as well as everything I’ve endured for the last 3 weeks. Physically, I will gladly pay the price again over the next 6 weeks if I can have 2 more just like it. I have a lot of he-man baggage that I’ve been unsuccessful in unloading while left to my own devices. I said from the beginning that one of my goals here was that I wanted to be a better man when this was over and for the first time since my arrival, I feel as if I’m better not just physically, but emotionally as well as spiritually.

I wish my dad were still alive so I could share this with him. He was and still is the most courageous man I’ve ever had the opportunity to engage. I would have been so much further ahead in life in a great number of areas had I just submitted a little bit to his wisdom. But I thought it showed weakness. I don’t know what it is about us Italian men, but we think signs of weakness are not to be tolerated. Maybe it’s men in general or maybe it was just the way that I was, I don’t know, but I was always attempting to be the tough one, stoic and unbending. I now have come to realize that there are many different types of “tough guys”. I want to be tough like him. My way was the wrong way dad and I’d give everything I own to be able to tell you that to your face. Sorry it took me so long to truly understand what you were talking about.

Mom, thanks for everything you planted inside me so many years ago. This new spurt of growth promises to take me in directions I’ve never dreamed possible. I love you very much and thank you for all of you efforts over the years. I’m glad your still here to share this with me and I can’t wait to talk with you when I get home.

Viva la Mexico

2008-04-20T22:48:00.006-05:00

I forgot to mention that there has been a convention of bankers here this weekend and a note slipped under our door advised us that the “festivities” would be going on until 12:30 or 1:00 in the morning. I’m on the first floor facing the ocean and the courtyard just below our balcony is where the live bands have been setting up. I was actually so tired Friday night that the music did not prevent me from sleeping. I fell asleep in my clothes, on top of the covers and don’t think I ever even rolled over. I stayed up studying last night so I can not honestly say whether all of the fireworks would have woken me up, but man were they loud! Viva la Mexico! Under different circumstances I would have a Margarita with them and just stay up but that first class comes awfully early in the morning and I’m glad the “festivities” ends on Sunday.

Martha showed up today and it was good to see a familiar face from home. For those that do not know, Martha Williams operates the Bikram Studio on Lyndale in Minneapolis. Someone told me that part of her session here would be teaching and being critiqued by Craig afterwards on her performance. Now, throughout my life I have always seemed to be the last to know extracurricular stuff like this and I don’t even know if it’s true, but it’s somehow comforting to know that even she is being analyzed in this setting and no one gets a free pass. I have a funny feeling she’s not quite as concerned about memorization as am I! I look forward to taking some of her classes in this new atmosphere. It really is cool to have such a variety of teachers to listen to and learn from. Everyone has a different style and it seems to me that those who allow their own personality to shine through and connect with people are the teachers that have the best classes. I hope to accomplish that someday as an instructor.

More anatomy and dialogue studies are on the agenda for today as I prepare for an anatomy test tomorrow. After studying a bit last night I have concluded that I will do well tomorrow on the test and should not allow myself to get to overly concerned. I’m a couple of postures ahead with the dialogue but the faster we begin to perform them the quicker I will need to keep memorizing. I see some late nights in my future but I think study buddies will be plentiful as many are scrambling to stay ahead of the curve. Even the ones I thought I had a grasp on have disappeared from the forefront of my memory as the whirlwind that is teacher training sucks me into its vortex. I’ve put my faith in the process and have let go of all of the day-to-day concerns about the minutia. Upon reflection, letting go and relaxing a bit is something I need to work on in all aspects of my life.

I ate well again today and had a nap in between bouts of medication and memorization. The cold seems to have settled in my chest and I now sound worse than I actually feel. I have some deep sounding pipes at the moment and my voice wears out rather quickly, but a couple of classes should clear my congestion up. Naturally, it’s worse first thing in the morning after being on my back all night but after the first class things loosen up. I’m hoping to have cleared this hurdle by midweek and other than the way I sound, I actually feel pretty good.

I had a hamburger today at a restaurant and I imagine had someone been watching me they would have described me eating this burger like your dog does when you sneak something to him under the table. A little bit of a head jerk, then some lip smacking, then that tongue that cleans like your car’s windshield wipers. Actually, it wasn’t that bad, but I could not get over how good that meat tasted to me. I was actually asked earlier in the week if I had been having any unusual cravings and my answer was a quick no. This of course as I was sopping up the Kikkoman’s soy sauce I had put onto my broccoli with a croissant as if it were liquid gold. I’m eating what sounds good and what my body craves. My guess is that I have lost about 10 pounds so far. I just have to continue to eat and drink enough so I don’t repeat the cramping episode I encountered earlier in week one. I didn’t quite eat the volume of food I did last Sunday but still feel as if I ate enough. Good sleeps tonight without the live band outside my window and week 3 will commence in 7 hours and 30 minutes.

Groundhog day

2008-04-19T11:58:00.003-05:00

The days are starting to bleed together sort of like the movie Groundhog Day. We were told that it would seem exactly like that because of the same scheduling for most events. One gal forgot it was her husband’s birthday today. She said she had no idea what day it was. I only new it as Thursday and had the class count down to 3 remaining for the week, two on Friday and one on Saturday morning. Thursday evening’s class was the first that Bikram did not teach himself. He said he was wearing out his throat and one of the gals who helped put me back together last week named Julia taught the class. Bikram leaves tomorrow and will be gone apparently until May 5th. Hey, that’s Cinco de Mayo! I wonder if it’s as big a holiday here as it has become in the states? I guess it really doesn’t matter since drinking & smoking are strictly forbidden here. I think several people may have gotten busted with one, the other or both and Bikram reminded everyone that we all signed a clause stating that we agreed to be sent home immediately, at Bikram’s discretion, for either of these infractions. Anyway, Bikram said he would be returning and would spend the entire last month of training with us “whipping us into shape”. It’s great to have so much access to him during this session of teacher training.

Here’s an odd sensation, not shaving as much as I’m used to. I actually went all week last week without shaving my head. That has to be the first time in 15 years that I went longer than 3 days. I normally shave my head every other day, but due to time constraints I’ve just let it go a bit longer. In addition to time there is also the “freshly shaven skin irritation” factor that goes along with doing so many classes in a single day. I was surprised at just how gray I have become. I haven’t seen hair on my head in quite some time! Oh my!

Mary looks great by the way. I’d like for her to tell her own story, but oddly enough I was looking at her on Thursday and at the same time I was about to tell her that I thought she was losing some weight, she said the exact same thing about me. The smile that has always adorned her face seems to have returned and it pleased me to no end to see the “twinkle” back in her eye. I think she was struggling for a bit, as were we all, but she seems to be on an up cycle and it’s great to witness! She gave me a knuckle bump before this morning’s class. Go Mary, Go Mary, Go Mary!

Anatomy tests & dialogue review starts on Monday and people seem to be on edge. I did well in front of Bikram but we have 22 more to perform and apparently they start coming at us pretty fast. Put your crash helmet on and tighten your seat belt! Everyone’s walking around mumbling dialogue or huddled in a corner working together. This weekend will be full of studying, especially for me, as I am not as familiar with anatomy as some others here. The thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone, right? We were given a heads up as to what sort of questions would be asked, but you still have to remember the correct answers. The shin bone’s connected to the ankle bone, right? Mary and Carla, as well as my roommate, all seemed to be at relative ease with the terminology. We’ll see how I do next week.

Flu like symptoms struck this morning (Friday). It felt like someone tried to put a cigarette out on the back of my throat. Now, after this evenings class, I’m a bit achy and stuffed up. I took some alka-seltzer tonight from the gift shop and plan on making that trip to the market tomorrow and getting some additional supplies to beat it down. Vitamin C does not seen to be enough. I talked to several others who have been afflicted by the same symptoms. I’m glad it comes at the weekend so I have a bit of time to recover and rest up for next week. Speaking of next week, the end of the week will be the 1/3 mark in our training. Seems like it’s taking forever, yet at the same time flying by at a record pace! Quite a bit of it is still a blur and I’ve been advised that it will seem like that for a while after the training has come to a conclusion.

Saturday’s class went well. I can see where people would not like Craig and his teaching methods due to the fact that he is a disciplinarian. Everyone move together, keep your arms up, put the water down and get back into the posture. Someone told me that people were getting together at a restaurant tonight to have a bitch session and I was invited. I don’t want to have anything to do with it! As a matter of fact, I wish Craig would stand right next to me and bark at everything that did not conform to the proper execution of the postures. Much of this crap is all in your mind and if you can break habits or patterns that are holding you back, you open up a whole new dynamic. Of course at some point during the intensity, I may attempt to rip one of his ears off, but if I followed his instructions, I think I will be better off in the long run. Killer Awkward pose! Get back in the posture; get back in the posture, arms up, arms up. You, tattoos, third row, get back in the posture! Arms up! I’m waiting for everyone to get back into the posture, then and only then, I’ll count everyone out together. It’s almost like a punishment for those of us doing it properly. You have to stay in it longer and wait for all of the wandering minds to refocus again. Have you ever seen the movie “Raging Bull” where Jake Lamotta (DiNiro) tells Sugar Ray Robinson “you never put me down Ray, I never went down” after taking a particularly brutal beating at the close of their last fight? You never got me down Craig, I never went down! He seems to relate everything to movies. As I was walking away from the practice area the first week after dealing with the cramps I had a little hitch in my gitty up. I heard him tell somebody over my shoulder, now that guy’s right out of Roller ball! It was the only thing that made me smile that evening. I vow to set down some of my crutches and attempt to notice some of my patterns that may be holding me back regardless of how uncomfortable it may make me. I guess I don’t have to set them all down at one time, but I start working towards that this very moment. Care to follow suit?

California dreaming

2008-04-17T11:41:00.002-05:00

Stayed up late last night blogging (until about 1:30 am) and woke up at my regular time, 6:30. I waited for my roommate to finish in the shower, as is our routine and went in for my morning constitutional. Let me start by saying the toilets stink here as far as water pressure and flushing action is concerned. We have each commented on it several times. In fact, so does the drainage for the shower. My guess, of course, is the plumbing but you have to flush the toilet 3 or 4 times in order to remove any trace of your presence and with how my stomach has been feeling, that’s a lot of standing and waiting and flushing. By the way, my stomach feels much better today. I’m hoping that closes the chapter on that sad story and if not I’m going to address it at the store this weekend!

Anyway, as I sat there and flushed, and again forgive me for that image, I start to hear an extremely loud rumbling coming from the pipes located directly under me. It sounded like when air gets into the pipes and for a moment I thought water was going to come shooting up out of the porcelain and I was going to look like a cartoon character sitting on a stream of water as it rocketed towards the heavens! Then the toilet started to shake and just as quickly everything stopped. I said to my roommate, man these toilets really do suck! It was only later as I began to hear reports from others about their beds shaking and the like that it dawned on me; we had just experienced an earthquake! Now I’m actually familiar with them from my time in California having experienced several and would put this one on a scale of about 3.5, but have yet to hear anything “official”. I had forgotten that the same fault line in California runs all of the way down South America and earthquakes are as commonplace here as they are there!

Here's the official word! "The quake was centered 25 miles north of Acapulco, seismologists said. Mexico's National Seismological Services put the magnitude as 6.1, while the U.S. Geological Survey said it measured at 5.5."

The first hurdle

2008-04-17T00:35:00.007-05:00

I recited dialogue for Bikram on Monday afternoon. I got up on stage in front of the rest of the crew (300 trainees) and I introduced myself as Frank and said that I practiced at the Bloomington studio in Minnesota. Bikram immediately asked if that’s where the Mall of America was. He got so excited talking about when he was there and what he bought and what a grand time he had! He’ll do that to people and then when he’s done he’ll immediately request that you “start please”! He stopped me about half way through the dialogue and said he was going to buy me a leather jacket the next time he came to the MOA for reciting the dialogue so well. I actually changed places with a girl who was supposed to go in front of me. She said she thought she was going to pee her pants and would feel much better if she could go after me. I just tapped her on the leg and took her place in line. I really wasn’t nervous at all and had been reminding myself that all of the words were in my head and would come out perfect if I just relaxed. And so it was!

Bikram’s 1st lecture was Monday night. Indian stories about gods and “what is yoga”? Deep subject that knocked a number of people out by the time he wound things up. He found out that the auditorium was actually a movie theater and got quite excited. He made us watch his 60-minute interview. I had never viewed it and so it was entertaining. Stayed up until about 1:00 am watching an Indian movie with about 20 others + Bikram. Apparently he sleeps very little and likes to do stuff after midnight. He keeps the staff up until all hours of the night. I’m not sure I’ll attempt that again unless it’s a Friday night though. 6:30 comes awfully quick after 2 yoga classes and 6 hours of lecturing!

Here’s my current schedule. 6:30 wake up. Class starts at 8:30 sharp. I swim in a salt-water swimming pool after class to cool down, usually at about 10:30, then dry off and eat breakfast at the buffet. Lectures start at 12:15 so a quick shower cleans me up and these will go until about 4:00. The second class starts at 5:00 sharp. Dinner break is next and lasts from about 7:15 until 9:00, then lectures again until 12:00 or whenever Bikram wants to calls it quits.

Emmy’s class on Monday morning was great (class #11). It was, for me anyway, very relaxed and calm. I performed every posture to my fullest possible expression. She teaches a very common sense type of class. The words she uses just seem to make sense and I thought that if I were attempting to explain to some one in plain English exactly how to do a posture, I would explain it the way she was. We were told that we would be having her for morning classes and lectures until Friday when she was scheduled to leave. I have not heard word as to when she would be returning, if at all. I certainly hope so! We have also been fortunate enough to have Bikram teach every evening class since we started here. Apparently this is a bit of a departure from what he normally does and we are thrilled that he is still here and leading class! I think he may be leaving this weekend and I’m not sure when he’s scheduled to return. Now starts the parade of “guest instructors” and as I stated earlier I’m really looking forward to that.

Classes #12 - #16 were my best classes yet! I made a lot of improvement in several postures. My knees ache a bit but I do not feel like I’m hurting myself. Actually I feel like I’m improving myself! Just wanted to add that so everyone didn’t think I walked off into the ocean after the rough start I had. I know you’re a couple of days behind the actual events, so I just wanted to state that things are great and my body, as well as my mind and spirit are adapting and beginning to relax into the whole deal.

My strategy to offer a friendly smile and a kind word is a smashing success! I’ve noticed people actually gravitating towards me for a taste of positive energy. One gal told me tonight she likes practicing beside me because she always seems to have a good class when she does. It seems that when you’re a bit down all you need is a little bump to get you back on track, or at least that’s all that I needed. I think people’s true colors are beginning to show. What I mean by that is that negative people are beginning to see only the bad in everything that happens. I’ve decided that there really isn’t anything that is going to throw me off course and so it really doesn’t matter what happens next. Bring it! I’m overflowing right now with positive energy so people can have whatever they can handle! I’m sure I’ll be drawing upon their energy at another time here in the not to distant future. I’m also sure there will be several more ups & downs, they just have not materialized yet...

The clock says...

2008-04-13T22:26:00.003-05:00

It’s 4:30 in the afternoon here and I feel like I got a bit done today as far as preparation for next week goes without taxing myself to much. A nap is definitely still on the agenda. Maybe I’ll start to adventure after the first few weeks. We will see. I was able to find just about everything I needed with one exception. Beef Jerky! Of course it’s possible that we Americans have so much beef we have to make things up to do with it. The Mexicans probably think I’m crazy, but just know this; I crave beef jerky! I hope to find some soon.

I forgot to mention Bikram’s wife Rajashree. She has taught all of the morning classes and Bikram the evening ones. She’s practically an angel with her beauty, her grace, her melodically hypnotizing voice and apparently a doctor as well (but she doesn’t like to be introduced as such). That’s when she’s speaking in a formal setting or lecturing. In class she can be as hard as Bikram! It’s incredible how she can push you. She doesn’t really push you as much as she encourages you right over the edge of the cliff in a fashion that just breaks down any compulsion to resist. I’m looking forward to the long list of teachers we will be exposed to here in the next 2 months.

A fellow named Craig taught class Saturday and as I mentioned before, it was my best class so far. It’s funny, but he has the reputation of being a bit of a dink and teaching a difficult class, but I have to say he taught exactly what I needed that day and I thought it was a great class. He preached relaxation, breath, unison and energy. I know to breathe, as does everyone, but I may have been attempting to suck up every square inch of air in the room through my gaping mouth. This was, I believe leading to an irritated throat and continued collapses throughout class. I needed to hear it on that particular day, at that particular time, to reacquaint myself with the concept. Lesson #11: control your breathing, control your mind and control your life in every situation!

Emmy will be teaching this coming week and she is Bikram’s most senior instructor. We are all excited but also attempting to find places to hide from her in the studio. Unlikely that a single one of us will avoid her perceptive eyes! In case some don’t know, she’s 83 years old and has lived an incredible life. For those at the studio, please ask Herb & Laiki for more details regarding this truly remarkable woman. I can’t wait to spend some time with her in class.

I also forgot to mention Mary and Carla did an exceptional job delivering their dialogue. I must admit that I was still cramping at the time Carla went up and they made me drink more electrolytes and told me to quickly go to the café and get a sandwich since the extra time needed to put me back together after class precluded me from getting something to eat that evening. When I got back Carla had already performed her dialogue and was in line as a demonstrator. I promise to get some photos of her in the next phase of dialogue. I love her spirit. It’s beautiful, radiant and glowing! I hope she can sense it because I definitely can see it.

I enjoyed my breakfast quite a bit this morning. I relaxed and stayed at the buffet for about an hour. Shrimp soup, an omelet, steamed vegetables, a V8 and more of that cactus/spinach/pineapple juice. Walked around and took more photos of the grounds as well. The temperature is supposed to start breaking the 100-degree mark this week. It’s also the end of the season, so it’s my understanding that this place is going to be pretty empty. It will sort of be like being in an ashram where we will be the only people around and yoga training will be what is done. I won’t be able to amuse myself with the looks of “outsiders” in line for the buffet anymore. I’m sure something else will “tickle me” and I’ll fill you in…

My roommates name is Todd and he’s from Winnipeg, Canada. We are quite a bit different but have been getting along in grand fashion and I see no problems with the arrangements. Remember, my specialty is the meet & greet! We are still getting used to each other’s idiosyncrasies and giving each other enough space to adjust and cohabitate for the next 8 weeks. Hey! I just said 8 weeks, not 9! I’m looking at it in 2-week increments. Next week and it will be 25% over. The end will be here soon enough and so I don’t actually wish for a speedy conclusion as I am hoping to wring every drop of information out of this experience.

One of my buddies, at least we have quickly become friends, broke a rule yesterday. The terms and the punishment were stated unequivocally, well in advance. Forget to sign in up to 5 minutes prior to any session or class regardless of your actual attendance and a make up class is required on the very next Sunday. I myself was a half an hour early for one lecture but almost forgot to sign in. Patrice forgot to sign in for Saturday’s class and had to do a makeup class on Sunday. I made it a point to meet her there prior to the class and give her a hug. She asked me what I was doing there and I said the only reason I was there was to show her support. I remember thinking I would have broken down and cried when I got the phone call and it had to of had the impact of a hammer. Looking forward to a day off and then being told you will not be having one would crush my spirit and I wanted to do everything in my power to ensure that I gave comfort in any way possible, even if it was only a quick smile and a touch.

The simple things can mean so much at a time like this and perhaps that’s lesson #19: Remember to reach out to others in their time of need, even if it’s just a simple gesture. While it may seem like nothing to you, it means the world to them. Everyone knows that, but sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we forget to express our true feelings. Tell people you miss them, you love them, you forgive them. I resolve to work on that and hug more people just because. I also struggle with forgiveness and come from a long line of Italian grudge holders. I now vow to break that cycle. Do you think that’s a bit too mushy? Maybe so, but I honestly have a stream of these types of thoughts pouring from my mind. Perhaps it’s the first step in reconnecting with my own humanity. Here’s one thing I know for sure. Yoga rocks! Good luck to everyone who has decided to undertake a 30-day challenge. It will change your outlook on a number of issues! You can do it and I’m pulling for you…

I ate like a horse this evening. Mass quantities of food. Roast beef, octopus, scallops, shrimp, broccoli, cauliflower, cucumber salad, pizza and some ice cream. I’m glad to see I have gotten my appetite back if only for the weekend. I hope I still fit into my shorts when I get up tomorrow! I also hope all of my intestinal issues have been resolved and liquid does not start to violently shoot out of every orifice in my body. Please forgive the image I just planted, but many people have been struggling with this issue and it can be quite a concern especially when you start to get that little “gurgle” from your stomach in the middle of class! I must say however that today was the best I’ve felt since my arrival here and the start of two a days. I anxiously await the next evolution of this training and appreciate all of the positive thoughts sent our way by everyone following along with this blog.

When we last...

2008-04-12T23:09:00.006-05:00

New episodes of the old television series Batman used to start like that. When we last left our yogi Frank he was talking about his 5th class and what happened afterwards. Well, classes #6 as well as #7 were pretty rough. My calf muscles and several little muscles that run along each side of the shinbone were really sore from all of the cramping. Try tightening your bicep like a bodybuilder and then hold it for 30 minutes! The next day your muscle says, are you crazy? We need to heal! And so it was and still is for me. Classes #8 and #9 were better as far as recover goes, but not so much with regards to the temperature of the room and my ability to perform the entire class. Lightheaded and dizzy are the main words that come to mind. I actually started to get loopy on the very first posture.

I have to tell you though; there are people who have congregated here from all over the world. You name the place and someone is from close by. Everyone seems genuinely willing to help each other through the experience. I think in a weaker moment though, I must confess that I actually did put a hex on someone who did a really weak triangle and made everyone else hold it until he corrected it. Either that or Bikram got tired of pointing it out. Honestly, I could have put the whammy on myself because my triangle had completely broken down and I can’t understand if Bikram is yelling at me or not! It very well could have been me causing everyone distress and I never knew it. Hope that wasn’t the case and I hope my mojo for hexes is weak!

I also have noticed that some of “The beautiful” people are starting to break down as well. They say everyone will hit the wall; it’s just a matter of when. I hate to say I find pleasure in this, but it was pointed out today that many people are the “rock stars” of their studios but here everyone is the same. Just like starting over again at some point. I am making it a point, now that I have regained my senses, to ask everyone how they are feeling when I meet them. I am also attempting to not take the same spot twice in the studio. I want to experience every square inch of the room and not allow my mind to say one place is better than another. Just like at home, it’s all a state of mind! I’m also attempting not to gravitate towards any specific group of people (i.e. those my own age). I want to experience everyone from everywhere to better round out the experience. I don't see that as much of an issue as meet & greets are one of my specialties! Quite a few people are older or the same age as I am, but most are considerably younger.

Saturday’s class was the best so far! Made it through every posture without going down once. I wouldn’t allow it to be filmed and sent back home for dissection, but good nonetheless. We have the rest of Saturday as well as all day Sunday off. Sleep is on the agenda along with replenishing food supplies and a little relaxation. One of the pools here is filled with salt water and I spent some time in it yesterday. Sort of like an Epsom salt bath but outside where you can talk to others and commiserate. Quite nice actually! It’s a real slick setup. Tomorrow I’ll be going around and taking more pictures of the grounds and people.

Pepto-Bismol

2008-04-12T23:04:00.005-05:00

We were warned about bouts of constipation as well as diarrhea upon our arrival and were told that it was not uncommon, even in the states, to be hit by wacky intestinal issues as well as flu like symptoms due to anxiety and stress as well as the detoxification that is going on with all of the yoga being practiced. They also stated that not enough water was a sure fire cause of some of the constipation, which was affecting me. After my little boxing match with my nemesis (and current lightweight champion of the world I might add) Mr. Muscle Cramp, I decided to up the water intake. I had been drinking 1 gallon of water per day prior to this training and now I’m drinking 2 gallons. I actually now think that may not even be enough. I’m a heavy sweater and the rule of thumb seems to be, drink until you are peeing regularly. I feel like a ripe melon ready to burst! It’s hard to eat as well. The temperature is high, you just got out of a class that was grueling and you have an hour and a half to eat and rest. Now slap a giant plate of steaming veggies in front of your face and see if my reaction is the natural reaction. NO THANKS! You have to eat though and not just eat but eat for two. That’s two yoga classes a day! We had a chance to go to Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club today to get stuff like raisins and nuts and things.

We are provided a brunch buffet and they are working on perhaps changing it to a dinner buffet but I’m telling you that I’m not sure how much difference it will make except for the weekends. You think, buffet provided! I’ll just stay there for several hours and chow down! Sweet! It doesn’t work that way. One thing that makes me smile though is that I sometimes catch a look of horror from one of the other guests when they realize that 300 starving and confused people are descending on this buffet line like the swarm of locust upon Egypt in the Old Testament! They have to be thinking, what in the world is going on here. The staff is great and they keep everything full, but there’s a line at every station 6/7 deep. I just smile, strike up a conversation with people and reach in and grab something. I brought a hard-boiled egg cooker but have quickly turned on hard-boiled eggs. The omelets are great but the egg whites make me want to hurl! I’m going with what my body craves (which seems mostly to be sleep) and will probably hold off on the eggs until the body says go. They have some sort of spinach/cactus juice combo here that has to be the drink of some Mayan god. It’s even better immediately after class.

By the way, I think I will be making entries into a journal on my computer and then posting them online Saturday and/or Sunday. It seems to be what the schedule allows.

What was that?

2008-04-09T22:53:00.003-05:00

Just got hit by the Bikram bus! Just completed 4 classes in a period of 48 hours. 94 more classes to go! 1st class I felt confident. 2nd class I felt confused, but completed the entire class. 3rd class I felt like some slipped a ruffie in my water! I feel like I fell off a moving train. Only thing to do is jump back up, dust myself off and start running to hop back on it. I’ve been told it get better after about the 2nd week. Let’s hope so. A good night’s sleep should help, we’ll see. This is without a doubt going to be one of the greatest physical, as well as emotional and spiritual challenges I’ve ever decided to undertake.

It dawns on me as I type these words that I had temporarily forfeited the rights to my digestive system, immune system and my heart & cardiovascular systems. In fact, every system in my body had been given over to “other masters”. I now begin the process of reclaiming my birthright. I want to regain control over the only domain that is truly mine. Exciting, terrifying, thrilling, taxing, exhilarating, exhausting and nerve racking all at the same time. It’s an emotional roller coaster the likes of which I’ve never ridden before. I feel as if I have a giant emotional obstruction stuck inside of me that at any moment might come bursting out sort of like the creature in the movie “Alien”. I’m sure I’ll have to come face to face with whatever demons lie inside at some point during this “healing process”. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later…

Come to find out that was not an emotional obstruction I felt, but an intense series of cramps about to strike my lower body and abs! I undoubtedly still have that “other” obstruction to deal with, but for now, an evening of body cramping is what was in store for me. I don’t know when the last time you had multiple areas of your body cramping (calves, shins, toes, hamstrings and abs), but it’s sort of like having a seizure. Remember in the movie “Forrest Gump” when Gump says, “something bit me” as he carried Bubba out if the jungle? Well, something bit me! It bit me over and over and over for about an hour and a half after class. It lasted into the evening with sudden bursts of cramping in single areas of my body, but after they poured electrolytes into me for about an hour, things started to settle down quite a bit.

This occurred after my 5th class and I sort of just laid there after class for about a half an hour wondering how I was going to get up. When I attempted to move, that’s when it hit me. I have yet to run into the one gal who was attending to me as I lay on the floor. She is a very sweet and compassionate female assistant of Bikram and I’m just wondering whether the grip I had on her thigh while in the throws of this “breakdown” left any bruises. To me it felt like they would need the “jaws of life” to remove her leg from my grasp. At that moment, I can honestly say that I could have cared less, but she calmly talked to me, asking me question about my food choices as I repeatedly cramped up. I can also honestly say that she helped quite a bit. So did the other female assistant who was pouring electrolytes down my throat. There was one other person present and I’ve given her a couple of hugs since. Carla helped to eventually get me back up on my feet and outside of the room. We have been looking out for each other in different ways since our arrival and I’m glad she noticed I had not made it out of the room. For the next several days I was sort of out of it and felt bad that Carla, Mary and I did not interact like we had been. I told them once I regained my senses that I had needed to recover and they were cool with everything, realizing apparently from the far away look in my eyes, that recovery was exactly what the doctor ordered as well as just a little distance! Nicely done ladies! I truly hope they realize I am also here for them should the need arise.

Orientation

2008-04-07T22:47:00.004-05:00

Today this journey starts in earnest. We are scheduled to meet the “guru” (Bikram Choudhury) at 10:00 for a lecture as well as to begin dialogue training and review. We were introduced to the entire teaching staff yesterday as well as the first single gathering of all of the trainees in a lecture hall that would match any college facility in it’s beauty and capacity. For any previous attendees, you will be “glad” to know that we apparently will no longer be sitting on a floor wet with the sweat of an entire class saturating our shorts, but on chairs so graciously provided by the hotel in our new setting! We were also informed that the dialogue training would be held in a number of additional meeting rooms where we still may be sitting on the floor, but that the yoga room will be used exclusively for practice! The facility is “state of the art”!

Bikram spoke for about 2 hours upon his introduction and was, as advertised, “quite colorful”. While I’m positive I would never wear some of the outfits he struts around in, there’s no doubt that this yoga has the ability to change your life regardless of what your malady is. He likes to drop names and tell stories about those that he has helped with his methods. Your initial reaction is to dismiss them as stories from a flamboyant entrepreneur or Hollywood movie type or snake oil salesman, but when one of those individuals that he has helped stands in front of you and confirms what is being said, it’s difficult to ignore. Of course, you don’t need much of a testimonial when you stop and think about the progress each and every one of us has made on a personal level while practicing and while there are many variations of the “success story”, everyone who has practiced this yoga over a period of time has one of their own!

One of those “success stories” was here today. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar spoke in front of the class for about 15-20 minutes talking about how Bikram Yoga extended his career for what Kareem believes to be about 7 years. He said he started practicing Bikram Yoga after he was ready to retire, but then suddenly faced some difficulties in life (his house burned down and he also had a financial manager who evidently made some unwise decisions with his portfolio) and felt he needed to continue to play professional basketball. It was kind of cool to have him practice yoga with us on Tuesday! His son apparently has been practicing since he was about 5 years old. The word is he has a beautiful practice and wanted to come down as well but has some sort of testing going on back in the states where he is attending college to be a doctor.

They wasted little time getting people up in front of the room to start reciting their first posture in front of Bikram. Everyone who is “performing” stands on a stage in front of the entire group of 300 people with 5 demonstrators assisting and they actually go through the posture as you recite the dialogue. Bikram is sitting in a giant chair on the floor directly off the stage, front and center critiquing each person’s attempt. The first people were great! Very smooth and obviously well polished. I’m sure that’s going to change, as we only were able to get through about 20 people. They say it takes a week or so to get through everyone and Bikram insists on listening to everyone’s first posture. I think I’ll “volunteer” after a few more people go in front of me.

We also took our first class yesterday. The room was not as hot as I had expected it to be. Bikram said about 95 degrees, but I don’t know if I buy that. The humidity is extremely high down here and the sweat just pours out of my body. Even with the temperature that low, a number of people faded rather quickly! Bikram teaches a powerful class and of course it’s different than what you are used to in cadence, as well as the length of time different postures are held. I felt pretty good both during as well as after class and slept like a rock. I was actually surprised how good I felt the following morning! We’ll see just how long that lasts. We start 2 a days today and I’m sure it will start to have an affect!

As I just stated, the humidity is very high here and nothing dries very well. I imagine it’s going to be similar to when I was in high school and we had to redress for the second football practice of 2 a days with damp clothing. Now there’s something to look forward to!

Ready, Set...

2008-04-05T16:26:00.007-05:00

I was, as always, concerned about seating on the flight. The airlines charge extra now for where you sit on the plane and although I had requested an isle seat, the plane appeared to be full when I went online to preprint my boarding pass. I have always attempted to sit on the isle or bulkhead for the extra room they provide. I believe that an isle seat is now considered a “premium” seat and an additional charge is levied. Incidentally, for those who do not know (I just found out last week), you are now allowed only 1 carry on and 1 checked piece of luggage these days. Bummer! More additional charges! They charge $80 each way international, $25 for domestic. Because I booked my flight well ahead of time I was allowed to check 2 bags and that was enough for me.

I kept thinking I was at the wrong gate because there was no one waiting for the plane. I was practically alone there. This giant waiting area empty at 5:45 am, surely I must be at the wrong gate, on the wrong day, at the wrong time. I kept wondering around the stewardess trying to reassure myself that I was at the right place. It must have creeped her out because even after she told me that I was in the right spot, I was still pacing around her little area staring at my boarding pass and then repeatedly shifting my gaze between her eyes and the display behind her. I’m surprised she didn’t call security and have me dragged into some TSA interrogation cellar in the bowels of the airport to get to the bottom of my odd behavior. When you shave your head, you can get that sort of reaction from people!

Well, no need to worry. There were 23 people total on the flight! I had the entire row to myself. Could have stretched out across 3 seats and fallen asleep sideways for several hours. Patrice did exactly that! It was a very smooth flight, left on time and landed 30 minutes early. Patrice and I parted ways at the airport as she was staying at a different hotel for the night, so I await the arrival of Mary and Carla who are taking a later flight.

First thing I did prior to going to the room was wander over to the Bikram’s hospitality desk and ask about viewing the room we will be practicing in. They gave me directions and I walked around the corner about 50 yards and talked to someone positioned to greet people, and apparently at the same time, work on her tan. She was doing a good job on both fronts. As I walked inside I asked about the number of attendees and was told about the same as in previous years. 280 people were signed up as of last week and surely there would be more to bring the total to around 325. The entry way is a balcony of sorts that’s positioned 1 floor above and at the rear of the room.

The first thing that strikes you is an enormous banner of Bikram in his classic spine-twisting pose. It has to be 150 feet long and 60 feet high running above the entire length of the back or entry wall of the room. That wall is glass of course, for full viewing of the room and the activities going on inside and the room is massive. I mean huge! Maybe there will be a bit of elbow room unless they force everyone together. There certainly appears to be enough space in there! Sort of overwhelming when viewed empty. There are still workers wandering around performing tasks to complete whatever else needs to be done and I was asked not to go down the stairs to the lower level just yet. I’ve already considered offering U.S. dollars for someone to sabotage the heating system at regular intervals throughout the training!

Well, up to the room to unpack and settle in. I’ll be working on some pictures tonight and tomorrow while I have some free time. I’m not quite sure how to post them, but will work on making them available to everyone.

Pre-game Butterflies

2008-04-02T16:41:00.006-05:00

As I sit here in the comfortable surroundings of my apartment, I can’t help but wonder what changes are in store for us at the upcoming session of teacher training. The time is drawing near!

Throughout my life I have participated in a variety of athletic competitions and have found that I have always gotten anxious prior to the event. Most competitors will tell you that they feel this is evidence that they are “running on all cylinders” and are ready for whatever is about to face them in their chosen area of expertise. All one can do is honestly prepare the best they can, then visualize the expected results and at some point let go and believe that their preparation will carry them to their desired result.

Now, this is not a competition and I want to share something emailed to me today from one of Bikram’s assistants.

“Congratulations on your acceptance into the Bikram Yoga College of India’s Intensive Teacher Training Program, Class of Spring, 2008 in Acapulco, Mexico. I’m writing this from the property, and it is truly beautiful”.

“All we require is your presence, and a passionate commitment to your own transformation within the next nine weeks. Please enter into our new home with open eyes, open heart and open mind. You have chosen the path of service that leads to the promise of Self-realization, and for this you have my respect. Let yours be the hand that heals and helps, and let your expectations, as unwanted burdens, fall behind as you enter through the door”.

Let your expectations, as unwanted burdens; fall behind you as you enter through the door! Sort of goes against everything I wrote above, doesn’t it? That’s because this is yoga, not football or wrestling or any other organized sport we are familiar with participating in. Our “expectations” hold us back, both in our practice as well as in our lives and create suffering because they prevent us from seeing things as they really are. We create an illusion, like a lightly colored curtain does when it makes the sunshine appear to be a different color as it shines through our window. Pull back the curtain and you reveal the true brilliance and color of the suns rays. This is what we need to do in our everyday lives, pull back the “curtain of expectation” and see things as they really are.

And so it seems as if I’ve encountered one of my first challenges and I haven’t even gotten off of the couch yet! Just like we shouldn’t expect an individual class to go a certain way, or judge it afterwards as a good class or a bad class, I really should have no particular expectations entering this “transformation”. That’s quite a bit easier to write than to actually put into practice. I think we all know this, but just like I did above, we fall back into our familiar habits, our same old routines and this takes us in a direction we really did not intend on going.

I promise not to drone on about yoga philosophy and the like, but I just had this conversation with someone the other day regarding issues sure to pop up at training. I hate that teacher; she/he doesn’t do it like I’m used to. Hey! They’re in “my” spot, that person is touching me, crowding me, staring at me or sweating on me. Why do they insist on telling me to do it this way? I sure look fat compared to so and so! My postures sure do suck compared to plastic man over there. What in God’s name is that odor? Is it coming from me?

Funny thing is, it just dawned on me that these were the same thought and feelings I had when I first started to practice Bikram Yoga. I’ve said every one of them at one time or another and some of them I allowed to throw me off course for a while. I’m hoping that I’ve learned something over the last several years and vow not to allow those same things to derail me again.

Now there’s an interesting thought, it’s going to be like starting over again…

Burning The Ships!

2008-03-23T19:29:00.002-05:00

After I gave notice at work last Saturday, I began to notice an odd feeling of calm come over me, washing out what had previously been an ever growing sense of anxiety and fear over my decision to attend the spring 2008 Bikram Yoga Teacher Training session. I almost attended the Fall session in 2007 held in Hawaii but for a variety of reasons that never materialized.

Everything happens exactly when it's supposed to but we are the ones that struggle with events as they unfold and end up causing our own suffering because of it. I now see where had I attended the last session I would have had to deal with all of it's trail & tribulations by myself where as attendance at this session allows me to share it in every aspect with 2 very special people (Mary & Carla) who will be attending as well. We have another person attending from our area (Patrice) and although I have yet to be properly introduced to her, we have been exchanging emails for some time and I'm sure the 4 of us will be thick as thieves in no time.

Another thing that struck me was the amount of support that I felt from my coworkers upon the announcement that I had given notice. I'm not sure why, but there was a bit of anxiety building prior to my resignation. The automotive service business can be pressure packed and through the years I have met many people who are only doing it for the money it provides and would gladly give it up for something, anything that improved their "quality of life". I imagine it’s not unlike any other profession, but the stress level seems to be at an all-time high these days. I grew close to a number of people there in a very short period of time and it pleased me greatly that everyone wished me well as I veer uncontrollably onto the road less traveled, although I think most were focused solely on the Acapulco aspect of the training and do not fully understand what is involved in this undertaking. I imagine that I myself do not yet fully understand what is about to take place either!

To all of those who have committed to this session of Bikram's Teacher Training, as well as all of those who have committed before me, I salute you. I look forward to sharing the bond that attendance and completion of Teacher Training creates. I hope to make many, new, like-minded friends as well as strengthening the bonds I have already begun to develop with my fellow local attendees.

I also want to make sure that I thank several people here at the very beginning. Physical preparation started almost a year ago and many thanks to my chiropractor, Dr. Megan Rheingans (a practicing yogini herself) who selflessly rearranged her schedule numerous times to accommodate my ridiculous work schedule. Thanks Meg! I'm certain I would not physically be where I am today were it not for your assistance and guidance. I look forward to our continued relationship...

Thank you Herb, Laiki & Julie for your understanding and encouragement throughout this entire process. Your unique perspectives has gone a long way in making us all feel like we can overcome whatever obstacles present themselves during this exciting time. It's fair to say mental preparations began even earlier and there's no question that mentally I would not be where I am today without the 3 of you...

You have witnessed almost every great accomplishment in my life Robin Hall. Not only have you witnessed them; you have contributed greatly to them. I've grown to trust your judgment and rely upon your opinion (just not your driving directions). Please know that while there is a long list of things I hope to strengthen while heating myself in the crucible that is teacher training, being a better man (as well as companion) is definitely one of those items. You have my eternal gratitude and love for your support and acceptance as I stumble my way along this newly discovered path. I still see the twinkle in your eye that initially drew me to you and must confess that I now realize you actually started the work of making me a better man years ago. I'm just now beginning to understand what you have been up to, you little devil...

And finally, thanks to everyone who wishes us well and sends us positive thoughts as we embark on this new chapter of our lives. I'm hoping to maintain this blog in an effort to allow everyone to peek "behind the curtain" and experience a bit of what we will be going through. Your energy will be needed and greatly appreciated. I look forward to speaking with everyone upon our return...

I don't know what the next 3 months hold in store for me, my fellow attendees or this blog. I am reminded of the story of Hernando Cortez who in 1519 burned his ships to prevent all thought of retreat. I too have burned my ships (but not my bridges) to prevent all thought of retreat and have come to see this as an tremendously exciting time and an unbelievable adventure to be talked about for years to come with those courageous enough to follow their hearts in a different direction. That doesn't just mean those attending teacher training. Often times it takes tremendous dedication just to make it to class when everything else in your life says to stay home or do something else instead. Sometimes it takes tremendous courage just to stay on your feet, to stay in the room or to just get a little bit deeper into the posture when your mind weakens and you lose your focus during class.

It all sounds kind of cool when you say it that way, don't you think?